About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Friday, September 23, 2011

too quiet

Yes, I have been very quiet here, not really posting anything with any real substance.  Partly its because of grad school, but mainly it is because I am struggling with what I want to blog about and what this blog has represented. 

So I'm moving in a totally new direction, new blog name, new place.  Some of you may enjoy the change, others may not be so enthused.  But go I must! 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Day 22: What's in your purse?

It seems that the law of purse attraction is that whatever size purse you carry it will be full!

Not long ago I downsized to a smaller purse.  Prior I was carrying around diapers, juice boxes, pokemon cards, you name it.  I was tired of being the pack horse so by downsizing I've cut back the amount I carry and my back pain!

I'm not about name brand, or color.  Its only about functionality!  It has to zip closed, otherwise when I stop short in the car all my crap is lost on the floor!  It has to have a small compartment to put my cell phone so that I can find it in a hurry and not dig though endless receipts to answer a call.

My must haves to carry are my pocket calendar, my check book, my wallet and my oils.  I carry about ten different essential oils at any given time.  I have three little mini purses as well, one for all those dam "discount" cards, and one for my stones. Currently my purse is exploding with receipts. So many, that each time I open the darn thing they are falling out on the floor! I have to keep track of all of Mr's expenses so each receipts is saved and once a month or so I collect them all and record them.  I think I am over due!

I'm about ready to downsize even further, but there is this fear that if i have less space I am sure to forget something and when I need it I won't have it!  Maybe I should just let go and carry a wallet!  But wait, I don't always have pockets!  Dam it!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Day 21: Something you could never get tired of doing

So many things to chose from......  I think that I try to enjoy so much of my life that there are many moments that I appreciate and could never get tired of doing..... 
  • blowing raspberries on Walker's belly to make him laugh, 
  • smelling Sawyer's hair when she is fresh out of the shower,
  • playing in summer rain
  • getting random hugs from Dylan,
  • singing in the car
  • watching Mason and Sawyer hold hands,
  • jumping on the trampoline, 
  • brewing coffee for when my sister's come over, 
  • stopping on the side of the road to pick wild flowers, 
  • wrapping presents,
  • eating my sisters homemade chocolate chip cookies
  • laying in the grass and watching the clouds
Each day, I try to remember the little moments. Its these things that make the stress of normal life bearable. Live in the moment, be in the moment.

What are some of the things you would never tire of?

Thursday, September 1, 2011

If you need me this weekend....

This weekend I am setting out to try a new adventure.  Well, not necessarily new, I just haven't done it in almost ten years!  But the new part is doing it  somewhat by myself!  Yup, I am going camping!  Why? you wonder? why not?

A few months ago I was talking to a good friend about my need to take breaks from the family.  I didn't want to travel extravagantly, or spend tons of money in hotel rooms just so I could get a night of uninterrupted sleep.  He suggested that I buy a tent and start camping.  To him this sounded like a logical idea, but I had to remind him that for a man, this was not big deal, but for a woman, it wasn't necessarily the safest choice to make.  I don't think I would feel comfortable unless I was camping in my sister's yard..., and that pretty much defeated the point.  This really bugged me though!  My friend has spent a vacation biking around Prince Edward Island, he camped and enjoyed the solitude.  I was jealous!  I wanted that!  Honestly though, I'm not sure I could handle it though either.  The only other time that I had traveled by myself was with my old job, and it was weird to be in a hotel room just with myself for company. Luckily, I had lots of work to keep me busy.  This made me sad.  It made me wonder why can't I be by myself?

A month ago I overheard my sister's friends planning their annual camping trip.  They go twice a year up to a friends property upstate and camp for four days.  It has evolved into an "event" equipped with a pig roast, Chicken BBQ and rumored a truck with four kegs on tap. (not that i am a beer drinker) So I thought to myself, this would be perfect.  I could bring my own tent, camp out and partake in the activities in the manner I best saw fit. So I wiggled my way on the invite list and now this weekend is here!

I have to admit, I am pretty excited!  I can't remember the last time I had to only pack and plan for just myself!  I have enjoyed being self sufficient planning and packing and plan to really relax and enjoy myself!  If I want to go for a run, I can, whenever I want!  If I want to just sit and read..... I CAN!  Sure for the younger campers its more about the food and beverages, I on the other hand will get to experience a quasi solo camping trip with in the safety of a group!  Its not about reliving my youth... or running away (okay maybe a little), but more about something that I personally want to do for myself! Plus, I'll have my camera.. and sure to get some good shots of some pretty funny sh&t!!

Day 20: Nicknames you have

All my life I've hated my name because there was no other form in which I could change it to.  Jill, just plain Jill.  Not Jillian. I repeat NOT Jillian.  I had a 6th grade teacher, whom I loathed, who insisted on calling me Jillian.  When my mother showed up for the parent teacher conference and she called me that, my mother informed her that " her name is Jill, if i wanted you to call her Jillian I would have named her Jillian".  I think that is when my mother became my hero instead of my enemy. 

Another name has crept up time and again in my life. It pops up with new people who never knew I had them to begin with.  Jilly Bean, is a common one.  Otherwise, its mom, mamma.  So far, my two year old doesn't realize that I have another name, she just adds my last name to mamma.  (pretty cute)

Then there are the nicknames that I try to get people to call me but they just don't stick: My Queen, or Mi Rena (spanish version), sex kitten, Coolest Mom... but I keep trying!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Day 19: Something you miss

As my 36th birthday quickly approaches I have really begun to notice the affects of aging on my body .  Sure I've had some grey hair, and maybe a laugh line or too, no big deal right? But i've begun to notice other things that are aging as well.  Take my hands for example. They have the battle scars of kitchen accidents, and knuckle cracking. My feet also show signs of many miles that they have walked. Even my thieghs show signs of aging from the many pounds lost and gained, to be lost again.  Mostly though, I miss my perfect B cup breasts.

yup, I said it!  After breastfeeding four children and ample pounds lost and gained to be lost again, they aren't quite the perky perfection of my youth!  On top of missing their actual physical appearance, I missed the opportunity to show them off to the world when i did have them!  Call it my secret exhibitionist but there's something tantalizing about wearing a perfectly white t-shirt braless that I will never be able to enjoy!  When I did have the body that i miss, i was to busy being modest and shy. Not wanting people to judge me based on my appearance.  Now that those possibilities are gone, I miss them. Sure you can say plastic surgery is still out there, but really..... I'm not that vain!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

I love food, all kinds of food.... fatty fried goodness, steak, sushi, Mexican, Chinese.... you name it I will eat it!  So picking one place that is my favorite is really hard! 

Depending on my company also dictates what place is my favorite.
When the "sisters" go out we always go to El Banditos which is a Mexican restaurant in town. They can be a little pricey but with the appetizer, desserts and complimentary shots of tequila, it is sure to be a good time!

When its a family event, we stick to a place that is kid friendly, and has fast service, this equates to a drive through!

For Sunday breakfast we frequent a small town deli on the corner of RT 284 and County Route 1.  The omelets are huge, the service is comical and the price is always right!

My newest place to go for those who are as daring as I am when it comes to food is the new Indian Restaurant in town.  I am still learning the menu and cannot even tell you what it is that I like to eat there, just that it has lentils and is served over rice.

As for a dessert date or light menu for lunch or dinner the place is Something Sweet in downtown.  The atmosphere is casual but the desserts are anything but!  I save all my calorie allowance when going there!

Food is one of my favorite past times, so the list truly could go on and on!  Please feel free to leave me suggestions as I am always willing to try out new places!!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

Due to family vacation and Irene this program was temporarily interupted. Back to schedule though:

One thing I am really looking forward to is starting back at school and being a teaching assistant for the Women's Studies department.  The class that I am ta-ing in is Education of Self.  I took this class as an undergrad and it really opened my eyes to the privileges i take for granted being a white middle class woman.   I am especially excited to see other students go through personal changes and become aware of their own selves while working closely with an amazing professor!

Most of the curriculum is about identifying patterns of behavior that one would like to change in themselves, then trying out new models of behavior, analyzing it and then working out a solution. This is a important process to learn and can be used through out life. As a person, I am always wanting to learn and grow and better myself and this class gives students the tools to do such.

Working in the classroom with an experiential based program is also a lot of fun!  Students do many activities that make them think about how they view the world, how they fit and who has made up those rules. Until taking classes as an undergrad at New Paltz, I never knew these types of classes existed!

I wish everyone could take this course, more importantly i wish everyone could see the value in these types of classes, because the world would be a much better place!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Day 16: Dream house

My dream house isn't anything fancy.  I don't want a Mc Mansion, or 2500 sq ft.  I can do without an in ground swimming pool or heck even a paved driveway.

My dream house would be one that has enough bedrooms for all my children and myself to have some sort of privacy. It would be big enough to have a family room or extra living space so that my children can entertain their friends or get out of site.  It would have more than one bathroom and a tub big enough that I could soak and be covered in water. (nothing is worse that taking a bath in ten inches of water!) It would be one floor to make it easier for Walker to get around, and have a room for him that was his bedroom plus OT sensory stuff!

My dream house would have a covered porch so that we could sit outside and watch the thunder and lightening storms.  It would have a garage attached to the house so that I could bring the groceries in out of the rain or snow. My dream house would be one that my family and friends felt comfortable in and that I wouldn't mind them stopping by!
Mostly my dream house would be one that is clean!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?

This picture was taken last summer on our family vacation to Maine.  I dragged Dylan out of the car and made him pose with me under this street sign.  (and I wonder where he gets his sense of humor from!)

How have I changed?
Well, I am about 20 pounds lighter, I've been running three times a week.  I have gotten back into using my essential oils and have limited my anxiety.  I have a little bit more freedom now that my youngest has turned 2 and is becoming increasingly independent.  I have returned to school, and am working again.  All of these surface changes has impacted me tremendously.  I am more self confident, more self assured and overall happier. As I continue finding my path I enjoy looking back and marking these milestones!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Day 13: Goals

What a loaded topic!  Goals are something that I am constantly setting, changing and hopefully achieving.  I feel that I am not doing myself any justice if I don't set goals. Recently a goal I set was running in my first 10k.  I was able to complete it in 1 hour and 7 mins, which is approxiametly a 10:55 min mile.  I was pretty happy with it! 

On a more serious note, as of late I have been struggling with a goal I set for myself seven years ago.  It was a goal to return to school and get my degree and find a more soul full filling career path.  Its really weighing on me that I still haven't completed it.  Sure, life has gotten in the way, two small children a house and marriage.  But I am at the point where I just want to get on with my life!  So, I am returning to grad school this fall, and I am still trying to find an entry level position in a non-profit to get my feet in the door and build some work experience that will coincide with my educational credentials.

In the mean while, today's goal is the get the stack of papers and books next to my bed in some logical order!  With each small goal I set, it allows me to have patience with the larger ones!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without

About five years ago I was introduced to the world of essential oils.  No ordinary ones either.  Young Living is a therapeutic grade of essential oils that can be used topically, aromatically and many can even be ingested. Anyone who claims that all oils are the same, has never truly experienced the difference between cheap frankincense and the real deal!

I don't leave home without lavender, frankincense and patchouli.
To learn what these oils have to offer just click on them above!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Day 11: A tv show you're addicted to

We are the anomaly of the 21st century, we are a family that only owns one tv.  Yes, you read that right, 1 TV. I know, I know its hard to conceive but since our house is appropriately 900 sq feet there really seems to be no reason to add more noise than we already have. So the option of having a tv show that I am addicted to is very limited.  We recently added a DVR to our cable package and that has made the world of difference for me.  Not only can I record the shows I like but have become accustomed to watching them sans commercials! 

There is one show that I do actually sit and watch at the time it is aired (this is a BIG deal!) and that is Criminal Minds.  I love the twisted plots, the suspense and the crew of characters!  Its like reading a Steven King novel in an hour!  Perfect!

Penelope is the bomb!  I love her wardrobe and quirky sense of humor, and must admit that I totally crush on Derek Morgan! I know a few friends that I would characterize as Dr. Spencer Reid and like to pretend that I share commonalities with Emily Prentiss.

The ground rules are clear: When the show is on, no talking except for commercials, all child rearing duties are put on hold or passed to the other adults in the house, and repeats are treating with the same respect!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

I can't say spiders or snakes or any living creature unless of course I was lost in the woods and being stalked by a 600 pound black bear.  No, unfortunately, the things that I fear most live inside my own head! They are the things that keep me up at night, (besides my children) that make me worry about what kind of mother I am, or what the future holds.  I guess one of the biggest fears is what will come of Walker after I am gone? My fear is that his little sister will feel obligated or tied down taking care of her brother.  I fear that she will grow up second fiddle to a brother who has special needs. I fear that he won't be happy, or that my life will somehow be consumed with either the care of him or the guilt for not.

I guess these are the same fears that all parents have.  The fears of their children's future, what it holds and how happy they will be. 

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Day 9: A habit you wish you didn't have

There are many habits I wish I didn't have, leaving dirty dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher right away, grocery shopping when I am hungry, leaving the mail in my car and forgetting about it, and interruptting people when they talk because I am to excited to share my ideas!

The one big one though that I have carried throughout my life and continue to carry is the habit of procrastination!  I tell people that I work well under pressure but the truth is, I have no choice!  When I have to be out of the house at a certain time, I wait until the last minute to pack the kids bags and lunches.  When I know a birthday is coming up I wait until the last minute to figure out what gift I want to get the person.  When its finals time at school and I have a million papers to write, I find myself rolling spare change!

I wish I could say I have a game plan in order to curb this habit, but the truth is it will have to wait. 

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Day 8: A place you've traveled to

Acadia National Park is the last great place I have traveled to. I must admit, I haven't done much traveling and it seems that my bucket list is just getting bigger and bigger.

We only had two days there and it certainly was not enough!  The view from Cadillac mountain was amazing!  We even tried to sneak up there at sunrise but it was too foggy to see it.  The poor kids were sleeping in the car while I awaited patiently on the rock ledge to get a great shot that never manifested. It sparks my interest in National Parks and have decided that each year I will take the kids someplace new to see.

In the meantime, this is the perfect place to have a nice hot cup of coffee!

Day 7: Favorite movie

This is a hard one.  It really depends on my mood! But my all time favorite movie which indicates my propensity for romance and music to be mixed is Dirty Dancing.

Specifically this scene:

Click here to enjoy it too!

Which of course makes it difficult really for any man to live up to my expectations in romance!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Day 4: Your parents or siblings

I am the second oldest of four daughters but we are all very spread out.  There is five years between myself and the oldest, then the next one is seven years younger than I and the baby is 11 years younger.  That is a span of 16 years between us.  Growing up I wasn't very close with any of them.  I idolized Amy, my older sister, tormented her by stealing all of her things and just wanted to be just like her.  When Rebecca came along I felt slighted and she got the brunt of my frustrations.  Honestly, I wasn't very nice to her and it wasn't her fault!  Kimberly, the baby sister, was the apple of my eye and was a toddler during my the year that I got my first camera.  As a budding photographer she was the subject of rolls and rolls of film!

As we aged and moved out of the house, my older sister and I became very close.  We even lived next door to each other during a very tumultuous  period in both of our lives and we were the glue that kept each other together. 

The event that truly pulled all four of us together as a unit was our trip to Jamaica!  It was the first time that all four us were together for an extended length of time as adults.  We tagged ourselves the "fabulous four".

Since that vacation we have all drifted in and out of each others lives depending on the obstacles we each are facing.  We all have different attributes that we bring to the table and the dynamics shift based on those.  I know that in the future things will shift again, but the four of us are together, as blood and as sisters.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Day 3: Your first love

Yes, my first love has been and will always be, chocolate.  Milk chocolate. Anything and everything coated in chocolate is worth trying!  I've even eaten chocolate covered ants!!  They were good!  These days I limit my chocolate intake to once a week, (at least i try anyways) because the sugar and the fat aren't the best for my weight and boarder line diabetes.  But when I do indulge, I certainly enjoy every bite!!

There is just something about the smooth milky sweetness of chocolate......  okay, now I'm jonesing!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

This is actually quite funny, To me anyways! The meaning behind my blog name is my sarcastic sense of humor.  Way back when, when the world was on Myspace and Facebook hadn't taken over the world, I would post things as an identity instead of my real name.  One day, I put Trophy Wife, and it caused quite a stir!  Relatives contacted my husband to find out if I was really serious, since I had recently quite my job and was just staying home with the children. My husband then asked me what it really meant, and I found it funny. 

So, when it came time to naming my blog it just seemed appropriate.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Day 1 Blog Challenge

Day 1 - Picture of myself and 15 facts:

  1. I love to embarrass my children! The hat picture above was how i was cooking dinner one night!
  2. I love the smell of vinegar, it reminds me of Easter and coloring eggs!
  3. I now wear a size 8 shoe, only after my 4th child did my feet get bigger!
  4. I prefer gel toothpaste over paste.
  5. I have an obsession with feet
  6. I am extremely sensitive to caffeine, so i drink half caff at home.
  7. My name is just Jill, not Jillian. It gets my panties in a bunch if you call me that!
  8. My favorite cartoon character is Pepe la pu!
  9. The texture of watermelon freaks me out!
  10. I have a large scar on my inner left thigh from barbed wire fence. I should have gotten stiches but I begged them not to take me!
  11. The first time I gave blood was just to get the cookies!
  12. I love a good thunder and lightening storm!
  13. I have three sisters and we are all very close!
  14. Spearmint gum is the only one i like!
  15. I still don't know what i want to be when i grow up!

Because I need direction

So I took on the challenge from my friend over at Life in the slow lane, because quite frankly I need the direction.  I haven't been blogging because all that has been going on in my mind is not fit for press. So this is perfect timing.

Here is the list below. If you'd like to join in, copy, paste, and get writing!

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts
Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 3: Your first love
Day 4: Your parents or siblings
Day 5: A song to match your mood today
Day 6: A picture of you as a baby
Day 7: Favorite movie
Day 8: A place you've traveled to
Day 9: A habit you wish you didn't have
Day 10: Something you're afraid of
Day 11: A tv show you're addicted to
Day 12: Something you don't leave the house without
Day 13: Goals
Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?
Day 15: A moment you've felt satisfied with your life
Day 16: Dream house
Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat
Day 19: Something you miss
Day 20: Nicknames you have
Day 21: Something you could never get tired of doing
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Day 23: Favorite board game
Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 26: Your Dream Wedding
Day 27: The city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out
Day 29: 3 Wishes
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened
since you started the challenge

Thursday, July 21, 2011

More running tales

In two weeks I will be running my first 10k race. A few years ago I got really into running and entered into several 5ks in order to keep my self motivated to train.  This time, however, my friend and I decided to kick it up a notch.  So I've been training, using an app for my ipod and slowly working my way up to about six miles.

My route for running is a little tricky since I live on a main road with no shoulder, also every where I turn there are more and more hills.  The other issue I have been facing is that my older two boys want to train with me.  This is fantastic however, they slow me down and I'm not comfortable with leaving them behind me on these busy roads. 

Yesterday I had a brilliant idea to take them and run the track at my Alma Mater. It was dusk and they have lighting so it would be safe to bring the boys as well.  However, once I got there and was on my fifth lap, i remembered clearly why I didn't do track in high school.  It was boring as hell! Nothing about running in circles to see the same thing over and over appeals to me.  By then, the boys were also pooped and bored so they took their tennis balls and hit the courts.  This gave me the opportunity to run the grounds at the school.  Luckily, there are four schools on one connected campus so I was able to get in a good run. The grounds keeper kept his watchful eye on me in case I had a can of spray paint tucked in my running shorts, but otherwise it was a peaceful run.  No dogs jumping out at me, no cars swerving because they were texting and my boys had a great time!  The other plus is that I can take my new side by side double stroller there and still get in a good run!

So no more excuses!! 

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Further down the road

My summer has been filled with music this year!  I am extremely spoiled having Bethel Performing Arts Center, only 45 mins away from my house!  Last night I took my baby sister to see Further.

The remaining members of the Grateful Dead.

As a late bloomer, I got into the Grateful Dead in 1992, just a year shy of the passing of Jerry Garcia.  So I never had the privilege of seeing them in concert.  When the opportunity came to see Further, I took it.  In my work place, its hard not to get caught up in the hippie vibe!!

As we arrived early to catch the scene, we were immediately struck by the sense of community happening in the parking lot.  It was as if, there was a whole other society going on right then and there.  Every where you looked people were on blankets, eating, drinking smoking and relaxing.  There were vendors in the parking lot set up out of their cars or vans selling tie-dyes or hand made hemp jewelery.  One guy had a huge basket with home made cookies for sale. (I told my sister NOT to eat anything!)

Inside it was a similar scene without the vendors.  Families with small children played in the shade, and the crowd was a mixture of old and young.  What was nice to see were some of the original people who attending Woodstock back in '69. They were easy to tell apart.  What I found interesting was the various paths they all took.  There were the hippie - yuppies, the hippie-bikers, the hippie-heroine users, the hippie=grandparents and the good old fashion country hippies. 

The show was a dancing fest, and everyone was just relaxed and care free.  I told my sister that this would be the closest we would ever get to experiencing what went on there in '69.  You could just feel the history!

Each concert I see there, reminds me of the beautiful spot they picked so long ago that has become a multi-million dollar enterprise! I'm not sure that is what they had in mind, but it works.  And as we were walking to our car, I witnessed more than one concert goer, picking up garbage and throwing it out. Which made me think that the original ideas are still out there and this is a place that they all can become one community!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Running thoughts

  • I really need to lose more weight so that I am not running all this weight around!
  • How many dead frogs can be on one road?
  • Should I only wear one ear phone so that I can hear what is going on around me?
  • Do deer really attack?
  • Has that car passed me five times already? Maybe I should carry mace!
  • Exactly how am i supposed to be breathing? Deep breaths? Belly breaths? Oh, screw it!  I'm happy just to be breathing!
  • Car! Car!  I'm right here!!!  You see me right???????
  • Man, I'm getting better at this!  10k here I come..... okay wait... who's idea was this?
  • This is great therapy!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Scratch, scratch

This July will mark the seventh year that I quit my full time job in corporate America to return to school.  I guess you could say I have the seven year itch!  I am itching to get on with my career goals, itching to experience how such a monumental decision can really impact my life. 

It wasn't an easy choice, I had a good paying job in which I had been at for almost eight years.  I was comfortable but I knew something was missing.  Sure I had determination and drive, but the path that lay in front of me did not fit into the view I had of myself. I didn't like who I was becoming. 

After some serious soul searching, I put in my notice and begged my father for a job bartending.  I knew that with school and two children, I needed to make the most amount of money in the least amount of time.  It fit the bill for the next three years.

But then life happens.

Today, I am back in grad school. I am hoping that my gaining more educational credentials I will be able to get in the door at a non-profit organization.  I am hoping to find one that serves the community and implements education in some form. This may sound all well in good but I can't find a job.  My issue now is that its been 7 years since I've had a full time job, so the gap in my working history is huge.  I am in a swampy mess.  My resume for corporate America is dusty and my "new" ambitions aren't evident.  I've been advised to volunteer at an organization that I feel strongly about, but haven't figured out how to put more hours in my week to be able to do so.

So here I sit, with a rash that is spreading... scratch, scratch......

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Orgasm Inc.

Last night I had the pleasure of viewing a documentary showing of Orgasm Inc.  by Planned Parenthood of the Hudson Valley. I wasn't especially sure what to expect, but since my dream job would be working for the organization I figured it would be a good opportunity to make some contacts and learn a few things.  I dragged a few of my friends there with promises of soft porn, plus it was free.

The documentary took nine years to put together and began as an editing assignment.  The assignment was to make a soft porn video for women to watch in order to track their sexual response while using an experimental cream for Female Sexual Dysfunction. It evolved into a video questioning the exploitation of women's sexuality and the direct link to corporate pharmaceutical greed. 

Without ruing the movie, because I think it is something that any woman or man should really watch, I have a few keys points that I took away from it.

  • It is discerning that the drug companies in the United States must first characterize a disease in order to market the drug for it.  This puts the control in the hands of those that are guaranteed to profit from it.
  • Statistics are used to mislead people either by exaggeration or omission.
  • The increase of clinics in the United States that preform labia reconstruction surgery is a testament to the continuous need of American women to fit the "perfect" mold of beauty. And the price tag associated with it, also keeps the economically advantaged in control of that image.
  • Women, overall, are still unaware of their own body and clueless as to what "normal" is. 
  • Society still has a need to pop a "pill" in order to cure all problems as opposed to becoming more educated and open.
Please take the time to check out the film's web site here.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Phish tales

Peace, Love and Rock and Roll!

Friday night was my very first Phish show!  For years I have heard about them as if they were some sort of "experience" to have. I missed the chance to see the Grateful Dead (Jerry's death in 1995 was right after I graduated High School)and I have always felt that I missed something. So when I heard that Phish was coming to Bethel Woods, I grabbed a few tickets to treat my friend who took me along to a few Dave Mathew shows last year!

If you don't know anything about Phish, they are considered a Jam Band, meaning that their songs and sets are more about the music and groove then anything set in stone. I love jam bands! Even if you have never heard of Phish you can still really enjoy and rock out with them!

What I also love about concerts is the people watching! It amazes me how many people from all over congregate in one place to enjoy the same thing!  I find it interesting to see the people that spend the entire show trying to dance their way to better seats, either closer to the stage or with more dancing room! They bob and weave the security guards or offer gifts to the people around them to allow them to stay.  I ended up with a glow stick necklace and my PIC (partner in crime) had bracelets.What is truly unique about this kind of crowd is the kindness and overall belief in karma! Half way through the last set my PIC realized that she had dropped her money.  Knowing it was a substantial amount we looked under the seats around where we were dancing. A young girl who had managed to find her way next to us asked me if we were looking for money, when I replied yes she immediately pulled it out of her bag saying she had found it on the ground earlier in the show. This was a testament to the good hearted people we were surrounded by all night! 

The weather was perfect, the atmosphere was happy and peaceful, and it might just be one of the best concerts I have been to!

Monday, May 23, 2011


Only I would take up a new exercise regimine while on vacation.  Yes, you read that right.  When my BFF (like OMG can you totally believe it???) and I went away for a girls only weekend, she drug me out our first morning to partake in her new running app.  Yes, there is an app for that!

So, begun my Couch to 5k, exercise regime.  Basically in 10 weeks it prepares you to run a 5k in 30 mins.  By running three times a week and obeying the voice prompts of :"run now" or "walk now" it slowly builds up your cardio vascualar ability.  So I've been giving it a shot. 
When the weather is nice, I run it outside and usually I am pushing a double stroller.  I don't think this has been considered when this program was made, maybe I should look for a a Mommy and Me exercise program, but none the less I have stuck to it and am making considerable progress.... well except for this damm hill!

Please note: Not the actual hill!

I live on a well traveled road, so my running course takes me off to a side road, and on the way back there is a hill that just keeps kicking my butt!  At first I couldn't even walk up it without being out of breath, but I am slowly, slowly running up parts of it.  Wouldn't it figure that each and every time I do the Couch to 5k program, the very last running segment is this freakin hill!  I mean COME ON! Give a girl a break now and then!  Each and every time I start out talking myself into attempting running up it then I visually mark some place that I give myself permission to start walking if and when I get to it!  And wouldn't you know, there is always a car that has to drive by just as I am panting and sweating and cursing! Of course, I can't stop running then!  No cars the whole two miles, except for on that dam hill!  Go figure!  But I am determined!  I will do it! And I'm sure there won't be any cars that day to witness it either!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Back to School

One week from today, I will begin classes again.  I cannot express how excited and terrified I am at the same time!  I love school!  I love everything about school, the books, the campus, the homework, the endless possibilities of expanding my mind!  Most people think I am weird, but I would be totally happy being a student for the rest of my life!

The fear comes from getting back into the swing of things, getting my head around the assignments and finding ways to work it all into my schedule.  Less face book and words with friends, is on the horizon!  I am just hoping that this path takes me in the direction that I want to go.  That it will allow me to have the foundation and credentials to get into the non-profit sector.  I also hope that I have the support system at home to get through it all as well.

I love being on campus, I love the text books and the newly sharpened pencils and most of all I love the cerebral stimulation!  Can't wait!!!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

I flunked!

I just couldn't do it!  I failed, the challenge!  Yesterday as I was in the shower and thinking about getting myself ready for work I was having anxiety thinking of what my hair would be like just being "natural".  Saturdays are my long work days, and I would be stuck with hair that I wouldn't like and a store full of mirrors to remind me of it! But I did it. 

Say what you want, but I hated it!  And since today was Mother's day,and possible photo opportunities, I was not about to make myself nuts and let it dry naturally again. 

It amazes me what a hair product junky I really am, and how out of sync it made me feel.  I am not giving up totally.... I think.  I might try it tomorrow and see how I feel again. 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Boss Hair Challenge

I hate my hair, its straight, thin and takes FOREVER to grow.  Its been red, egg plant purple, blue and blond, straight, permed and just spiked out.  I get to a point where I am ready to shave it off and go all GI Jane style!  The only thing that has kept me from actually doing it is I am afraid my head is all bumpy or lop sided. 

A few weeks ago I was talked into putting extensions in by one of my fabulous customers.  The process takes about four hours so I set up child care just to find out that she canceled last minute on me.  This happened twice, so i figured external forces were at play and should just take the hint. 

So I have been putting gunk and blow drying and curling my hair for the last few weeks but its getting old.  I have four kids, that means no time to be messing with my hair.  You are lucky if I get to shower!

Discussing my hair dilemmas with my boss, she feels strongly that we are born with the hair that best suits us.  She has convinced me to give my hair one week to figure out what it wants to do naturally.  The plan is for one week, I am going to shower, shampoo, condition, comb it and see what happens.  I am calling it the Boss Hair Challenge, and guess what you get to witness the massacre here!

So that's it, I am going cold turkey starting tomorrow.  Here is one last look at my "done" hair!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Lunch date

Today I met an old friend for lunch.  He was in the area and since we've been playing Words with Friends (he has totally slaughtered me each and every time) he suggested we meet up on his visit back to New York.  I agreed but must admit I was a little nervous.

Each of us remember ourselves back from school in different ways.  I also think that we are our most critical person to do so, since we knew what our insecurities and obsessions were back in the day.  I remember myself as an awkward but self absorbed girl, who floated among different clicks, was attracted to the "bad boys" and couldn't wait to get the heck out of town.  In fact, I think somewhere in my old yearbook was a quote that said something about my aspirations were anywhere but Orange County!  Yet, here I am.  Which leads me to explain my nervousness of meeting with him. He openly and honestly admits to having a crush on me, but I clearly don't remember it being that blatantly obvious. So fast forward almost twenty years (really??) and it felt more like some bad made for TV teen movie.... nerdy shy guy meets back up with girl he had a crush on to discover that she is over weight, unemployed and miserable....well that's not all true.

So as I waited a few minutes after arriving early, I ordered a glass of wine and waited, feeling extremely self conscious and a little jumpy.  But once he arrived, it was actually very nice.  He still had some shyness to him, and a quirky sense of humor that I remembered well.  And our conversation was very fluid.  We reminisced a little, but mostly is was about our children and our significant others.  It was nice to meet the grown up version of him. The food was good and I stopped after the first glass of wine since I had relaxed at that point!

We wished each other well and hoped that we could do it again.

Sorry I had to do it! :O)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Bartending Lessons

Life Lessons aquired from being a bartender

  • A person is not defined by what they drink but how they drink it.
  • Tips do matter
  • Never go out with man who asks you the first time in, after a few weeks you will see his true nature
  • People are more than what they walk through the door showing you
  • Quick fixes are non exsistant
  • People will always push the limit (you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here)
  • A smile and good sense of humor can defuse most any situation
  • Cops can be your friends
  • Be careful how you advertise (ask us about our daily special!!)
  • Never discuss politics or religion over beer
  • Always know what you are putting in your mouth

Saturday, April 16, 2011

New Ink

I am in need of some new ink.  I waited until I was almost 30 to get my very first tattoo.  It wasn't that I was against them, I just couldn't figure out what I wanted to put on my body for the rest of my life.  One night while hanging with my sister,(and probably a few shots of southern comfort) we were discussing this and both agreed that we didn't just want any type of tattoo that any random person could have.  In unison we both said "unless it was you!".  So we birthed the idea of having all four sisters get our very first tattoos together.  We even picked out Chinese lettering that says sisters and all of us have our own color scheme.

Flash forward a few years and I decided to quit smoking.   I didn't tell anyone, not even my husband, in fear that I would be doing it for someone other than myself. After a few months of being smoke free, my husband made me a deal that if I stopped smoking for one full year he would buy my next tattoo.  So this was perfect!  I would have a constant reminder not to ever go back to smoking.  I knew that I wanted one on my ankle and that I wanted it to incorporate my two boys.  So I came up with this design which is actually a pendant that I have.
The Libra sign is on top for my oldest son's birthday and the Aries sign is on the bottom for my younger son.

Fast forward a few more months and my best friend and I were discussing that we really want another tattoo, but again the dilemma of what to get.  She is an only child, and we have been like sisters for twenty years so it was only natural that we pick something that represents both of us.  We ended up with the constellation of Virgo (which we both are) and put them on our neck. ( I can't seem to find a picture of them electronically)

So now, I am itching.. again. I knew that once i had more children I would want to put something regarding them in a tattoo as well.  I call them my Yin and Yang, so my bff hooked me up with this idea and I really love it!

Now I just have to figure out where I want it!!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Mommy and Poo Day!

Today Poo and I set out for a perfect Mommy and Me celebration.  We headed down to Easton Pa to see the Laurie Berkner Band!!  For months we have been listening to her CD's and watching her DVD and Poo loves to dance and sing to all of her songs.  As soon as we get in the car she exclaims "ON, ON", which means she wants her music on.  And don't try to fool her with the radio or another sound track because that will just piss her off! (I'm not sure who she gets that from?")

My GPS system took us the scenic route, and I very much appreciated it! The routes through New Jersey were beautiful and the spring day was just perfect!

I even forgot that we were driving through New Jersey!  Once we arrived in Easton we met up with our good friends Mark, Courtney and their two munchkins. We found a great restaurant and had the most amazing Hawaiian pizza I have ever had in my entire life. (for those of you who watch Jack's big music show you know why I had to use that quote!) Poo must of agreed because she actually ate 2 whole pieces!!

We walked the cute town and found the theater in no time. 

Poo was restless so we walked and walked until the show began, but she was so thrilled to dance and clap her hands and watch all the other kids having a great time! My camera on my phone does not have a flash so I was unable to get any pictures during the show, but honestly I was to busy buzzing and 4,3,2,1 blast off, to be able to take any pictures. 

We headed back home the same country route and found a great little winery which of course I had to stop at.

The Four Sisters Winery, and yes I bought all of my three sisters wine!!  
All in all it was a great day!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Muscial Revelations

As I was downloading some new music for my ipod, i was thinking about how eclectic my musical tastes truly are and how reflective they are of my emotional status at the time. I am sure this is true of most people, since we must connect to the lyrics and the music in order to really appreciate it.  Thanks to the electronic devices that we currently have, I am able to keep all of my various genres in one place and can easily skip through.  Some days its like taking a walk down memory lane.

Some of you were a part of these memories!

Here are some of those songs that represent my life, in no particular order:

  • God - Tori Amos
  • Whose bed have your boots been under - Shania Twain
  • Jackie Wilson Said - Van Morrison
  • St. Stephen - Grateful Dead
  • Just a Girl - No doubt
  • Red,Red wine - UB 40
  • A little bit stronger - Sarah Evans
  • Darling Nicki - Prince
  • Not the Doctor - Alanis Morrisette
  • All Jacked up - Gretchen Wilson
  • Send me on my Way - Rusted Root
  • Sin Wagon - Dixie Chicks
These are just a few that come to mind..... 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

A little help for my girls

An unexpected day of no children led me to the mall.  Not my favorite place to be, since I am uncomfortable buying clothes from the teenage girls who are the size of my thigh.  I am also not sure where I really should be shopping.  I still want to be "cool" or in "style" especially since the styles that are back in fashion have been mine all along, but need to be that functional mother too.  But what does one exactly do with four hours of uninterrupted time.... so I found myself at the bra and underwear store. 

For the past four years I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding needless to say my ta-tas have taken a beaten and so have my bras.  I'm usually pretty cheap when it comes to underwear.  I figure its under my clothes for pete's sake!  Sure I have that "one" special something, but honestly its for pleasure and not function.  But after looking at my drawer full of sad and uncomfortable undergarmets I realized that I need some professional help. 

Luckily, I knew just the place and the right person. My friend Elsa hooked me up!

I was amazed at how organized they are! She measured me which to my surprise I have been wearing a whole cup size to small and a whole band to large!  Once I put on the correct size, I could immediately feel the difference! She gave me a whole drawer full of all their different styles and I was able to try them on.  As women, we all have different shapes and sizes and most importantly preferences.  For me, I go for the full coverage, under wire with just a little lining. After determining the styles that I prefer I was then able to pick out different colors and patterns. 

Can I just say.... awesome!!  Seriously ladies, treat yourself!! 

Friday, April 1, 2011

My personal addiction

With spring up ahead I have begun the process of switching out my winter clothes for the spring ones.  After pulling out six different tubs of clothes from various hidden spaces in my house, I realized that I have one serious addiction.... clothes. It is definitely genetic since my mother has four closets of clothes and still has to pack away out of season stuff.

I just can't help myself!  I have some logical reasons for having multiple wardrobes.  The biggest reason is that I fluctuate between four sizes most of the time. Sizes 8 through 12.  I can't really see the point in getting rid of the clothes if I am just going to need them in a few months anyways. The other reason is just that I can't stand wearing the same outfit within a two week period. In my younger years I would spend my spare time going through my closet and creating new and fun ways to wear my clothes.  These days however, i do not have that luxury, so usually one shirt is always paired with one pair of pants and that can't be worn for another 15 days.

I honestly need a twelve step program!  I think I read that they are having one at the mall!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Unpaid overtime

I love my job, I enjoy getting out of the house, being social and working in a great store that sells amazing things.  Its no secret that its also my haven to get away from life at home for 15 hours a week!  Some days, though I have to wonder if its worth it!

I've also confessed that I am not a good housekeeper either, but after being away from the house all day, the last thing I want to do when I get home is clean up after everyone that has been home!

Sure, no one can attend to my children's needs like me, or anticipate the messes that may come, but there are a few people ( specifically the one wearing a matching ring on his left hand) that should be aware that if you can't walk through our living room/ bedroom, maybe someone should pick it up.  I just forget that that someone is ....me.

If I worked full time, my children would most likely be at a child care facility and no one would be home all day to make messes, or if I had someone here at my house I would expect them to do some minimal cleaning up after one Poonado. Instead, I am on double time.  Taking care of all the things I do in a full day at home, in just a few short hours before bed.  Yup, I am pooped! 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011


As a child I always had a unique sense of style (i can feel my mother biting her tongue!).  I can remember planning a whole outfit around a pair of silver penny loafers that were two sizes to big, so i had to stuff the toes with tissues.  I wore them to school with a long black skirt and red and black shirt.  This was just one of the odd things I would put together.  I guess you could say I wasn't one to worry about what the other kids were wearing.  I figured out early that I could get more variety of clothes with my money if i shopped at local stores as opposed to one pair of name brand jeans.  I don't recall anyone making fun of me, I guess if they did, I never let it get under my skin. 

This trait has certainly been passed down to my nine year old!  This morning when he was helping me get Mr. off to the bus he had put on my brown and pink snow boots.  They are high boots, with fur lining.  I didn't think anything of it since he often wears my shoes out to put the dogs out or get the mail because he can't find his own. (another trait he got from me!)

When he came in the door this afternoon I asked how his day was and he pointed to his feet and said."AWESOME!".

There on his feet were my winter boots that he went to the bus stop with and realized to late that he had them on.  We had a good laugh and he told me that when he got to school he just walked into the classroom and announced "everyone look at my boots, get it over with".

I just love this kid!  

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Them is fighting words

I don't consider myself a violent person.  I have never been in a fight my entire life.  There was a close call in high school, over some guy I suppose, but I just talked a good talk and walked quickly away (all while secretly pooping my pants) After school, I've lived a very low radar kind of life.  Its not that I am afraid of conflict, I just don't see the point in letting another person get me so upset that I would risk injury to myself in the process. Even bar-tending I had some run ins with some inebriated customers, but luckily I had the upper hand, cut them off and my other customers would kindly escort them out the door. (Don't piss of the bartender or nobody gets drinks!)

So why is there that one person who really gets my dander up?  Why? because I love him and its the closest to home.  So when I am really mad, I have violent fantasies, not necessarily to cause bodily harm but to express my anger creatively.  Here are a few of those fantasies:

Spraying fowl words on his bucket truck
Moving the entire bed outside

Selling off his guns

Egging his truck

Duct Taping the toilet seats

The ultimate revenge is best shown here, from one of the best movies!!

Don't lie, you know you all have thought about it!