About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Snowed In

The custody arrangement with my ex-husband has been very liberal since we first separated.  Currently, the boys spend the weekends with their dad and then Monday- Friday with me which means that I don't get much down time with them, its strictly all business... baths, homework, school.  This week, with the storm and the whole county at a stand still I got to finally spend some time with them.  The first day was rough, I have to admit, there was a lot of fighting amongst the boys, and a lot of me, losing my patience! I struggle each day to keep our routine here with Walker and Sawyer.  It has been a way to head off any issues with Walker and keep my sanity. So with Mason and Dylan home, I was out of sync and wrapped up in being aggravated with the other things going on in my life. 

By day two, I awoke and decided that I could make the day go good or bad, it was up to me, the mom (I also got to watch a few episodes of Super Nanny the night before so I was inspired!)  Yes, they still had to get their chores done, but that day I offered up incentives that we would do an art project when they were finished. 

I am not very artistic, but I do think some days I can be creative. So after the chores were done (with no bickering) we got out a bunch of old magazines, scissors, glue and some scrape book stock paper. At first they weren't sure what to do, since I told them that they could create whatever they wanted, so I gave them some ideas and they were able to come up with what they wanted to do!

Mason's ideas were inspired by an advertisement that had little pictures of kids toys, GI Joe men, slinky and various other things... He titled his picture "RANDOM"
Dylan came up with an underwater theme and found some great orange and black prints to make his Nemo. Then he used a picture of a nickle, a ball, a head of lettuce and other round objects to make bubbles.
The best part was spending an hour and half with my boys without anyone fighting (Dylan did have to complain that Mason got the better magazines of course!) but  we had fun and I got to enjoy the sense of humor that they are each developing!

Friday, February 26, 2010


That's right, I'm done.... finished... finito' with this whole snow thing! 

Being a snow widow does have its perks, my husband is gone for days on end which means, I don't have to shave my legs, hell... I don't even have to shower! I get to watch all of my favorite tv shows even if they are repeats, and I've had lucky charms for dinner the last two nights. 

But I am done!  One can only make so much conversation with two children under the age of 3! We've danced in the living room, played name that smell... have read every baby book on the shelf...

I need adult contact....

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Suspended moments

Most days I complain that life is going by too fast!  But have you ever had those moments when it seems that life slows down and you feel each moment go by in slow motion and all your senses are hyper alert, you can feel the air, smell and hear everything that is going on around you? Yesterday I had one of those moments.

 As I was returning home from dropping off my older boys at school, I took a road that doesn't lead directly to my house.  My mind was busy, thinking about my shopping list, what Walker ate for breakfast and all the usually fodder that occupies my mind 24/7.  So instead of turning around, I took a side road that I have taken only a hand full of times before.  At some point, I must have been going a little too fast around a bend in the road and my truck started to lose traction... then the whole world slowed down... I could feel the heavy truck start to slide on the icy road, I smelled the wood chips and my coffee all at once, I felt the tug of the seat belt across my chest and just saw the sight of white everywhere (from snow that is).  As the truck slid to the left and headed off the road, it felt like it was taking forever to come to a stop...until it did...against a tree. The impact shattered the back window, buckled the passenger side door and bent the bed of the truck. Then time sped  back up again, or maybe it was my heart rate!  Luckily, I was fine. I was able to call Ramiah and tell him what happened and thank God, no one else was with me!

I am a little sore, my whole side of my body is stiff from the impact but more than anything I am shaken up but what could have been.  I wish I was a religious person and could state that there was some divine intervention, that there must be some purpose for me to be still alive. I would like to think that if i had had Walker and Sawyer in the car then I would have been driving more carefully but honestly that's not true either  If I stay caught up in the what ifs, I will certainly give myself a panic attack!

My other thought, though goes back to those delayed seconds in time... is that what it is like when death is at your door? Does time slow down right before you are taken away from this world? and if so, does your mind know it? does it take in everything to create those memories of this world? does it even make a difference because after all, you are dead?

Maybe this is a little too deep for my second cup of coffee...

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Best Thing

Write Out Loud Topic this week is from the Crazy Hip Bloggers is The Best Thing.  In the funk that I have been in of late, this topic really has good timing, because its easy to get in this ruts and think that everything is crap, that the world is crap, that you look like crap that your house is crap..crap,crap, crap.  So it is good to take time and think about what is really the Best Thing in your life at any given moment.  Normally I would take the easy way out and blog about my children, and how great they are (they really are despite my rantings on here!) and I already did a blog about my husband, but I find myself in a place that is unfamiliar to me.  Not really sure why its unfamilar, maybe just that in the past I haven't really allowed myself to recognize it.  Right now the best thing in my life is my family, not my nuclear family but my mom and dad and sisters.  Recently, there has been an huge effort on all of their parts to really step up and help us out. Maybe its been my cries for help on line, or the fact that they never really get to see me, or that an increase in medication has been ordered (just kidding) but each one has really been a huge help to me!  Each member has contributed in the best way that they are able!  I cannot thank them all enough!!  Yes, its been a little uncomfortable accepting help and asking for it, but it feels really good to know that they all are becoming a consistant part of my children's lives!   

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Duke's Antics

Take it Tuesday topic from The CrazyHipBloggers is Animal Antics.  This was a hard call, since I consider all of my children and my husband animals often. But today I figured I would blog about the real animals in my house, and antics is something that Duke takes to new levels, considering he is almost 100 lbs and thinks he is a human!  Often his whinning in the back ground can be heard and people think its one of the babies!!  Here he is looking out our new house window.. not that he really wants to go out there, because its cold... but just so he can make sure he doesn't miss a thing! He thinks this chair is his and my husband has to wrestle him for it!


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Good night, sleep tight

Tonight is the first night that Miss Poo will be in her own room.  My good friends, Jess and Don, came over and painted it for me last weekend. They did an awesome job!  Its painted a light green, since green is for healing and the room had very heavy vibes.  It lightened it up really well too!

I found this super cute wooden chair at the thrift store and thought it would be the perfect thinking chair!

I also got a pretty keep sake box to put all her baby stuff in .

Ramiah moved her crib and dresser today and I put the rocking chair in.  Now, all we need is some sort of area rug to make it move cozy.  So wish us luck, the monitor is plugged in and I'm hoping we all get a good night sleep!

Switching Gears

I am switching gears and adding an additional blog just concerning Walker. You can find it at Lessons from Walker


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Polygamists are on to something!

I know today is Valentines day and all, and that one of my latest posts was a love post for my husband, but one thing I am learning about married life, especially married life with children,  is that there are good days and bad days.  For me, little sleep usually equates to a lost of patience, which means that I get overly aggravated with my husband and his absence from home.  I thought I wanted to re post an old blog Applications being accepted but figured that wasn't exactly right.  I don't think I want my own wife, I just need a few more.  Maybe those polygamists are on to something!
Wife A - must have BA in education to help with homework, chores and science projects
Wife B - in charge of housework, meal planning and grocery shopping
Wife C - nurse maid
Wife D - sex slave
Wife F - Special Ed instructor

That would  be a good start anyways... maybe then I could catch some ZZZZs... and a movie!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Motherhood Fantasy # 526


Just for a weekend, I would love to run away, not far, just to the nearest hotel.  I'm not picky either, I'll take an inside room with no windows!  Just clean sheets and a hot shower. Someplace where the bed is all mine, no snoring, no wriggly little feet and no alarm clock. Just 48 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Simple Things

In honor of Valentines Day and the Crazyhipbloggers I thought i would list out the top ten Simple Things my husband does to show his love for me!

  1. Ben and Jerry's - he brings me home my favorite ice cream when  I've had a rough day!
  2. He kisses me everytime he comes in the door and each time before he leaves.. even if he is just taking out the garbage.
  3. He moves the truck closer to the house so I don't have to carry both babies out in the snow a long way.
  4. He will leave me notes around the house to tell me he loves me.
  5. He lets me have the last glass of milk, the last cookie or the last scoop of pototoes.
  6. He lets me scratch off all of his instant lottery tickets.
  7. He calls me in the middle of the day to say he loves me and see how my day is going.
  8. He covers me up at night with extra blankets when it it cold.
  9. He shaved my legs for me last summer when I was too pregnant to reach my legs!
  10. He cuts up my meat at dinner when my hands are too full with babies, so that I can eat too.
All of these things are simple but they add up to one great guy! Yes, I am lucky and yes, I am spoiled!!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Speaking of groundhogs...

Have you ever seen that movie "Groundhog day" well, these days that has been how I feel about my life.  I know that I have mentioned that being a stay at home mom was never something I thought I would do.  But I can't blame my hoggy feelings on my career choice, since in my corporate days, it was the same routine day in and day out with the exception of an excuse to buy new shoes!  So why am I feeling so blah? Is it the lack of sleep? Is it the fact that I am trapped in this house because its winter time? Am i just in a rut? or do I have some sort of seasonal depression?

The days and weeks seem the same, I feel as if I am just dredging through them and then waking up and doing it all over again!  I know I need something, not sure what... can't really add more to my plate right now.  My to do list is just growing and growing with get a life somewhere at the bottom.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Baby steps

Having a son with sensory issues is a challenge everyday.  There are so many things that all of us do on a daily basis that we take for granted, that we tune in or tune out in order to go about what we need to do.  Walker has a lot of sensory issues, and they seem to sneak up on me when I am least expecting them. One of his biggest issues is bath time.  Since he was an infant he has hated his bath!  I always figured that it was my fault since the night I put too much peppermint oil in  his bath. He must have felt like a dentyne breath strip from head to toe and I felt so horrible!  But after he started receiving OT services and pool therapy I realized that he hates it for a variety of reasons.  With the number of "poop explosions" that we have in this house, being able to give Walker a bath without it being a major traumatic experience would be a huge help!  Currently, he takes a shower with his dad and this seems to be okay, but most explosions seem to happen when daddy isn't here to take him in the shower.

So if you have a child with sensory issues than there is no need to read further, but if you don't please read through this and you can get an idea of how small steps are needed to get him in the tub, we are working with his OT therapist and we are having small successes.

Step 1 : lots and lots of joint  compressions
Step 2  : fill the bath tub while he is in another room (the noise really echoes while it runs into the tub)
Step 3 ; bring bath chair out into living room and set Walker in it, while doing joint compressions
Step 4: remove clothes except diaper and continue joint compressions while in bath chair
Step 5: carry Walker while sitting in chair into the bathroom
Step 6 ; hover bath chair over tub and let Walker's feet dangle into tub while making funny noises as a distraction
Step 7: slowly place Walker and bath seat into tub
Step 8: remove diaper and use wash clothe to wet Walker while making funny noises
Step 9: montior facial expressions and pull him out of tub in chair if any look of panic begins

The trick is to end this on a good note.  And as you can figure we still haven't gotten to the step that allows me to actually wash him. This process takes about 30 mins, we have only been able to do it 4 times in the last three weeks. Baby steps....

Dear firewood customer

Dear Firewood customer:

We are happy to supply you with this load of firewood but before we unload it piece by piece please be advised of the following:

  • our fire wood comes from trees that are outdoors
  • our firewood is stored outdoors - no warehouse
  • it is rained on, and snowed on so may be wet
  • bugs love seasoned wood
  • wood may be dirty 
  • wood can cause splinters when handled
  • a cord of wood measures 4 x 4 x 8 when stacked... there is an extra charge for stacking
  • we have no return policy once wood is burned
If you don't understand or agree with these conditions, please do not have us unload the wood and please do not recomend us to your friends.

Sincerely,  Firewood seller

Friday, February 5, 2010

Missing Pieces

"Of all the things I've lost, its my mind I miss the most"- this saying has been hanging in my mothers kitchen for as long as I remember! I've always liked it, but up until recently, I never truly appreciated it!

My Missing Pieces, (the Crazy Hip Bloggers Write out loud topic) is my mind.. or brain cells for that matter.

 It is a chain reaction, starting in the womb.  After four children and approximaetly two and a half years without getting more than a few hours of sleep my brain is shot!  It causes me to call my children by each others names, to move into a room and forget what I was doing in there in the first place,  and even forget to pull something out for dinner more than 2x a week. 

The chain reactions follows: "whats the word for that thing that is in your room that you sleep in? - yeah Bed, thats right!  well go and vacumm it. I mean make it!  Did anyone put Sawyer out on her leash?  Please pack your suitcases for school,  we only have 15 hours to get out the door!! 

All of this before 9am!

There are other things that go missing too: my sense of humor, appointments, whole boxes of Oreo cookies and my sex drive.

So yes, I miss it...and my husband does too!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Small wonders

Take it Tuesday 's theme is small wonders.


The feet of my children have always been something I have marveled at.  How quickly they grow!

  I look at these toes and wonder: where will the take them? what will they see? will they help them see the world? or make a career? will these toes make them dance, swim, or kick? will they create hours of fun for the infant learning about her world? will they give hours of laughs for the family tickle games? 
 They are so small yet hold so many answers to their future.


My friends over at the CrazyHipBloggers have posted this Weeks, write out loud topic of Heroes.  I have been procrastinating writing a blog on this topic because I couldn't quite deceide who I would write about... my list is pretty long! So I decieded that I will blog in definitions instead of specifics.

To me, heroes are those people in your life who can turn your worst day around!  Who can call you up and make you laugh while standing in the bathroom naked covered in poop!  They are the people in my life who bring me flour because it was on sale at the grocery store, or who watch my children for a few hours every week so that I can get out of my house!!  I have heroes in my life, who have gone through so much that would cause a normal person to walk out on life either physically or chemically but instead continue to raise healthy and productive children.I have heroes that bring me chocolate or their mere presence brings me back to my center.

I have heroes that just wrap me in their arms and make me feel safe, who don't have to speak a word but I know that they love me unconditionally.

Heroes, to me are everyday people who think outside of themselves to make some else's life better.  I just hope that I can be a hero to someone everyday!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Pediatrician appointment

Today was Walker's pediatrican appointment.  Since he is 27 months he wasn't due for a wellness check up but did need to complete his vaccinations.  I am not against them, just like to space them out (which  is for another blog entirely!)

Things were going well until I opened my mouth about us investigating Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy for Walker. I should have known better!  I like my pediatricians for the most part, but they have always been and will always be very conservative for my taste.  In the past when we have talked about aroma therapy, they have been clue less and not very supportive.  At the time it didn't bother me, since I felt confident in my experiences with using oils that their opinion didn't steer me.  They were also skeptical about changing Walker's diet to Gluten free, diary free and soy free, yet everyone around him has seen the remarkable difference!   So again I am not sure why I even opened my mouth!  He wasn't against it, he did not really have much to say except that in theory he didn't think that it would be beneficial to Walker, that it wouldn't make him "whole". Yes, he said WHOLE!   So then I found myself in a position to defend my reasoning's.  I hate when this happens!  Why must I defend anything that could possibly help my son?  Why do people think that because I want to try experimental things that it is in an attempt of making Walker "normal"?  Just because I want to provide him with every opportunity to feel better, does not mean that I am not accepting of his condition!  Would they think the same thing if my older sons were not feeling well and we tried different things?  Is his condition or his worth of a person not good enough to go the extra mile? And at what point does a parent stop looking for help? My husband and I have made a decision that we will not do anything too invasive for Walker, especially if it is experimental or will not change anything anyways.  Here is something that is on the cutting edge of medicine and is non invasive.  So why not give it a try?

Maybe I need to find a new pediatrician... maybe i should start by doing interviews!