About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Its just not the same

I've always been sort of a self help junkie, or someone who really learned that a good support group or therapist can make a huge difference! In high school I was part of a COA group (children of alcoholics) where people actually listened to my complaints and stories about my home life. As I got older, I would bounce in and out of Al anon meetings, in between boyfriends. Then finally on the verge of a complete breakdown I found "the one". Her name was Ruth and I don't know if she was spiritually linked to me or if i just needed her so badly that it fit. She saw me through a divorce, a total re direction with my career and countless other self realizations... that is until my insurance ran out! Now, 6 years later I am recongnizing those signs within myself that tell me I need to find another Ruth (cause the original practices all the way in new paltz!) But the main issue is when, in my crazy life could I possibly find time to go and see a therapist??? Do they make house calls? When I mentioned this to my husband he offered his services. As sweet as that was, I had to be careful not to put him off entirely. But its just not quite the same thing. I tried to make light of it, that he's never home and would he really want to spend what time he is, listening to me whine?? Finally, out of desperation (and sarcasm) I just told him that I can't very well complain about him, to him!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Maybe its the baby blues talking

Five days ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I wasn't sure what was more surprising, that she was a girl, or that she had a head full of dark hair!! Either way, it took a few days to sink in and now as I get to go through pink and purple clothes. This is how the other half lives??? Yet, in order to store the new ones coming through the door I set out for the task of dividing out the boys clothes that I had kept and finding them new homes. Part of me, however, is a little skeptical. Yes, you heard me, skeptical. I know, I know, this new baby is #4 for me, however, she is only #2 for my husband, the love of my life. Our first child is a boy, and he is warm, affectionate and a comedian. Never mind that he doesn't talk, or crawl or sit up. He is entertaining and loves life!! But the fact is that this may be all he ever is, and now with a daughter, my husband may never get that feeling of going fishing with his "son" or shooting that first deer together. Sure there is no doubt that his daughter will more than plenty make up for it, and I don't even know if he would miss it, but there is that little part of me, that wants that for him! That, wants to be able to give that to him. I guess its just the baby blues talking....