About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The real deal about Christmas

As I stood in line at Best Buy yesterday while my 9 year old threw a tantrum about not getting any money for Christmas, I decided that I was done with the holiday spirit!  Ughhh, i know, i know.  its not what most people blog about, its not all gingerbread men and mistle toe.  But let's face it people, children are children! I took a deep breath and ignored the bad behavior while the rest of the people in line glanced at me from the corner of their eyes.  I know that those who have children, understood and those that didn't... oh well! After we finished paying for our items we headed off to the supermarket, where I left them both in the car.  Yup, mommy needed a time out, but still had to get the essentials for the house.  Needless to say, upon my return, all attitudes had changed.  (I guess sitting in the car without heat or the radio will give you some time to think about things).

I can hear what you are thinking... Christmas is a joyous time of the year! I don't want to come across all Bah humbug, we did have some nice moments of decorating Christmas ornaments, eating lots of cookies and singing some holiday songs.  The oldest, however, is in that stage of awkwardness where he doesn't want to let anyone know he is having a good time! But we dragged him into it!

The younger too, also enjoyed their gifts from Santa and stealing candy canes. Mr. Mr. really liked the lights on the Christmas tree!

The tree came down yesterday, and the toys have been sorted and put away.  There are a few cookies left and as the new year approaches, I am glad it only comes once a year!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

An alternative me

With 2011 fast approaching I have been thinking a lot today about New Year's Resolutions.  I must admit that I really don't believe in them.  I have always felt that if you wanted to change something about yourself you should just do it!  Making a list on a certain date doesn't hold you any  more accountable for yourself than any other time of the year. But lately, I have been thinking about different things that I would love to change about myself.  I am an eclectic personality.  Some days I am in my mother role, others, my professional side takes over but mostly I think about how I would want to be more alternative. When I say alternative I mean I have visions of joining a commune, or camping across America during the summer.  There are so many things I want to do and experience but my current lifestyle doesn't really warrant them.  Sure, I have a compost pile and I recycle, but that just doesn't feel like enough.  There is a woman I have encountered at my job that I think is the symbolic sense of who I want to be.  She has dreads and is very creative and makes jewelry.  Its not really the hair or the clothes that i envy its what she represents to me: an alternative life style.  But exactly how does one go about changing yourself?  I think its more about incorporating little by little, the important things into your life and slowly you evolve.  Maybe I've just romanticized about it and when the day comes and I am plowing my own fields and milking my cows, it won't feel so alternative.  For now though, I will keep composting, keep recycling and allow myself to make resolutions all throughout the year.    

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Small Town Perks

Last week I had two packages I had to mail out.  The first one was already printed and labeled, the second one was being returned due to a company scam , (more on that later) I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to mail it back but knew that i wanted to be sure it got there.  The local post office up the road from me is not technically my post office.  I live in a small town that does not have its own zip code,so we borrow ours from a neighboring city. The one up the road from me, is a small town post office.  Not only is it convenient but the service is awesome.  The post master helped me pick out what shipping method, then took my invoice, photo copied it so i could keep all the information. He wished me happy holidays on my way out the door.

This really made me think about all the "little" perks I enjoy living in a small town. I can leave my children in the car when I run into the bank. When stopping for my morning cup of coffee, I leave the car on and the man at the local store places a packet of splenda on the counter for me (it's his own private stash) I went to school with the local police officer and several of the volunteer firemen.  The dog warden knows my cell phone number and the junk man comes over for dinner.

Growing up, I couldn't wait to get out of this small town.  I hated everyone knowing my business, I couldn't stand having all eyes on me.  Now as a parent, I cherish these traits. Even though the small town of my youth is fading away to bigger houses and multitude of "citi ins", there still is the small town feel.

If you see any of my children misbehaving, feel free to kick them in the butt and send them home.  I won't be offended!   

Friday, November 26, 2010

It's beginning to look a lot like ....

I've been very quiet over here and over at Lessons From Walker, not because I haven't had much to say, but because I've lacked the time to sit and type it out.  My head is spinning, with a new job, moving back to our old house and all the usual running around with four children.

Today, though, I had to write because I've been feeling very conflicted about the whole "black friday"  hype. I have never done the "Black Friday" shopping, I have friends that make a sport out of it, but personally, i just don't like shopping that much.  Normally, I wouldn't even know what deals were out there but this year funds are a little tighter than usual.  I found myself conflicted with trying to fill Santa's sled with all the items on my boys lists and the empty wallet syndrome as of late. As the time wore on yesterday I was on a roller coaster of decision, yes I was going, no I was not.  It was an internal dialog but in the end, i stayed home.   

It seems that year after year, the sales start earlier and are pumped up to be the event of the season.  TV commercials show women cross training to be ready for the sales, and I can't help but ask myself, is this really what Christmas has become?

I'm not about to go up on a soap box and go on about the true meaning of Christmas because quite frankly, I'm not sure what it means to me.  So from now until December 25th, I hope to embark on a personal journey to find a true meaning for me and my family.  Stay tuned.....

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Minty mistake

At 15 months, Sawyer is a ball of energy! She doesn't stop moving, not even in her sleep! When it comes to changing her diaper, it feels more like wrestling an octopus! Last Thursday night was one of these WWF matches on my bed.  What made it worse was that she had had a stomach bug and the contents of her diaper were not only putrid but also making her bum sore and red.  As I hung on to her and finished cleaning her up I asked my oldest son to go into the top drawer of the dresser and grab the butt cream.  He held up a white tube and asked if that was it, since I was still flipping Sawyer back over to her back while simultaneously holding both ankles, i glanced at him and said yes.  I quickly squirted the ointment on to my finger and began to apply it to the many cracks and crevices that belong to my lovely girl.  No sooner had i put the first drop on her skin when the smell of eucalyptus hit my nose.  Right away I realized what the ointment was, it wasn't the butt cream but instead Vick's vapor rub! I immediately wiped it away with a baby cloth and hauled ass into the bathroom putting her in the tub while running warm water. I was really worried about how it would irritate her skin or bother her all night.  Luckily, she didn't seem to notice and thought that my haste was pretty amusing! After her bath I called my sister who works for a gynecologist and double checked that there wasn't much else I could do.  She assured me that my treatment was good and just to watch how her skin reacted to it over night.  Thank goodness!  As parents we can make mistakes and just have to give ourselves some credit.  I am sure that I am not the only one out there that has had blunders with their children, so please share them, Otherwise, if I get a visit from child protective services... i won't be surprised.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Random blog topics

I've been pretty quiet over here on my blog sphere.  Its not that I haven't had ideas for blogging, I've had tons!  Its just that I haven't had tons of time to actually sit and articulate all the madness in my life! So here is a rundown list of what has been going on and the blog topics I had wanted to post:
  • We moved back to our small 2 bedroom house in Greenville  Blog topic: Life's U-turns
  • Mason attended his first middle school dance. Blog topic: Where does the time go? and Don't make me go back there!! (my dreadful memories of middleschool!)
  • Hubby is in a career crisis - Blog Topic: The ups and downs of marriage with special needs.
  • I've been working all the extra hours I can - Blog Topic: Hitting the in-law lottery!!
Random topics:
The joys of grocery shopping by myself!
Name that smell.
Sawyer - the destruct!
Painting with ones spouse!

So as you can see, this really is the best that I can do for blog content right now! But not to worry.  I know it will calm down soon... it has to right??

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Taking the long way around

The Long Way Around"

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes
Where their parents live

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow

By taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to

No I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now

But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way around
The long
The long way around

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

~ Dixie Chicks

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Work for the Soul

I have been back to work for almost a month now, and I must say it is so good for my soul!  Three years ago I stopped working and concentrated on being a mother to  my very special son.  I didn't know at the time just how special he was, I just knew that I couldn't comprehend leaving him in the hands of anyone else. But I'm not really good at my job as a stay at home mom  Its hard to be, when you feel like its a prison sentence.  People don't understand that its has nothing to do with my love of my children, husband or home.  It has everything to do with my love for me. I am not trivializing the women that adore their job as mom, honestly, I just don't think i cut the mustard.  So with my lack of self confidence as a provider for them full time, I need outside confirmation of my worth.  I also just love to interact with the general public and take away those experiences to make me a better mom.  The store that I am working at has a very ecliptic merchadise line and so are is the clientele.  Its amazing to me how comfortable people feel when they walk through our doors and share their lives with us.  Although my home life is not a big secret, I chose not to share that I have a special needs child often because I don't want that to be my definition. Yet, I can't help but be shaped by it and those that I meet.

Two weeks ago a women came to the store in search of Bob Marley things.  She was looking for her adult son who has autism.  She was so proud to talk about a TV show called The World of Jenks.The show featured her son and what its like to live with autism.  I wrote down the name and went home and DVR'd it.  What impressed me was how open and honest she was with us by telling us how uncomfortable she initially was with having a TV crew in her apartment and how worried she was about how her son would react.  Later that week I was able to see the episode and it was great! 

A week ago I met a woman in the store that was shopping for her daughter. She was enjoying Sawyer's antics around the store, touching all the jewelry and pulling things off the shelves.  We got talking about her life as a single mom and I was really feeling like I could relate to her.  She went on to tell me about her ex husband and how he now has remarried and has a son with CP.  She told me that the boy was really sweet but for her ex, what goes around comes around.  I wasn't mad, I just took in the information and let it settle.  It really has settled in!  I have been mulling this over in my head for the past week, wondering if there are many people that think this?  Do people truly believe that when a child with special needs is born, its because of some karmic force affecting the parents? then I realized, of course they do!  Parents who have special needs children think about this as well!  I honestly have wondered if there was something in my life or past lives that triggered this outcome for him. I know in my head that this is not the case, but emotions can run high when it comes to matters of the heart. 

Yesterday I had a father and son come in looking to get tie-dye t-shirts for their friends overseas.  The father was in his 60's and the son was in his 40's.  As we went through the racks the son hung back and just looked around the store.  After selecting the shirts that he wanted, the father handed them to his son and said please hold.  His son replied "please hold, please hold".  I then recognized that he was mentally retarded. After they left, I couldn't stop thinking about him and wondering if one day that could be Walker.  I would love to be able to take him shopping and have him pick out his own tie-dye shirt!

The atmosphere in the store is one of tolerance and compassion.  I take my home to work and my work home. Its a great fit and it feeds my soul.

Friday, October 1, 2010

To wean or not to wean... that is the question.

Miss Poo and I have come to a cross road, in which I am not sure what direction to turn.  For all four of my children, I have nursed them until they weaned themselves.  Each child was different.  Mason nursed until he was a year old, and then as a first time mother, I was worried about him taking a sippy cup and meeting text book milestones that soon enough he preferred the independence of a cup.  Dylan only nursed until five or six months.  For him, I felt that there were many components of why he stopped earlier which included, my own personal feelings about nursing at the time.  So at 6 months he was on formula and is still a well adjusted healthy kid!  Walker nursed until 15 months when my milk supply shifted due to pregnancy.  So now I am not exactly sure how to go about weaning Sawyer.

Its not that I am tired of nursing her.  I do enjoy the comfort of us sitting together and being able hold her and feel her warmth against my skin.  I am also pretty lazy.  It is food on the go, in which I don't have to pack or plan for.  She lives on a diet of yogurt, cheese, puffs and breast milk.  (sometimes an occasional fruit too) so I do have a large concern about what nutrients she will eat after weaning.

The other issue is that I am a big push over.  When she is clingy and tired, I just want to comfort her in the best way I know how... to nurse her.

This weekend she really put me to the test with a bite that was so hard I cried.  I was afraid to see the damage, envisioning my nipple bleeding and hanging by a thread.  Luckily that wasn't the case but I swore off then that she was done... until of course later that evening. Each day this has been the case.  She will nurse and be happy and content and go on her merry way, and then the next time, when my guard is down she will ambush me with a nip to the tit.  The cycle continues.

I don't know how exactly to go about this without packing her up and sending her to grandma's for the weekend! My husband is not necessarily on board since that would mean that they milk supply that he so longingly asks for will be dried up.  (I could write a whole other blog on man's obsession with breast milk!) I guess we will just take it one day at a time, and when enough is enough I guess I just won't care!  I will deal with the tears and have to walk away. 

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Me unplugged

For two weeks I have had no cell phone service.  Actually, I've had service, just not a working phone.  I took it to my local store and they suggested I buy a new battery, but of course the phone I had, they no longer make so they had to order me one from some distant warehouse.  When that finally arrived, it didn't help, so then I tried a new charger, again, to no avail.  So finally I relented and purchased a new phone. 

The first few days without it I felt lost and disconnected.  As I was driving I thought I could hear the little ring of my text messages coming in, then would realize that it couldn't be.  After a few more days, I actually started wearing my watch. It had been months since I wore it since I always had my phone to tell me the time.  Then by the end of the week I was feeling pretty liberated!  I could run errands and not be afraid to check my messages.  I even left my husband home with both kids and went to work for an eight hour shift and knew that if it was a REAL emergency he would call the store.  It was nice!

So, now I am back connected.  I have promised myself that I will keep my phone in my purse until I need it, and that I will not use it while driving. (no Oprah campaign here though) But i must admit, it is a pretty jazzy color of purple!

Friday, September 10, 2010

You are my sunshine!

For the past 15 years there has been one staple to my ever changing wardrobe.  My sizes may change but I have always had my own unique style. The one place that I have always been able to find something that suits my taste is Sunshine Studios.  I was always a frequent customer, not escaping without a good purchase and my free incense!  Shortly after we had gotten intervention help with Walker, I was shopping in the store one day and was talking with the owner Claudine. As a natural people person, she has always made the store feel warm and inviting.  Through our conversation I divulged that my son had special needs and we were in the beginning of dealing with it.  This was my first "public" confession and I was in a place of feeling alone and overwhelmed. To my surprise she told me that she was also dealing with early intervention with her son.  It amazed me that in the middle of shopping I could find someone who knew what I was going through!  It was huge relief to not feel so alone! From that point on a friendship grew.

Its been three years since I have had any real type of employment.   After Walker's birth it just was to hard to figure out how to make money and give him the attention that he needed.  Shortly after along came Sawyer and although I have struggled personally with being a stay at home mom, there has become a certain level of comfort here.  The mere thought of getting back out into the work place makes me nervous, it invokes feelings of uncertainty and low self esteem.

But as karma would have it, last week happened!  After I invited Claudine and her two boys to the park, she had to decline because she was having staffing issues at the store.  I offered up my assistance because I know what its like being a stay at home mom and juggling two very active boys! She offered me a job working in her store and I JUMPED at the chance!  I am in heaven!  My favorite place to shop, and I get out of the house and feel productive! I am so excited!!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

When i grow up...

  • I want to be a teacher, so that I can decorate the boards and my classroom with fun things with childrens names on them!
  • I want to see the Grand Cayon
  • I want to go sky diving
  • I want to be a family counsler
  • I want to be a domestic abuse advocator
  • I want to have chickens and pigs
  • I want to learn how to salsa



  • I want to be in a production on stage
  • I want to go on a meditation weekend
  • I want to visit Greece
  • I want to publish a childrens book
  • I want to take a cooking class
  • I want to hike the appalachian trail



  • I want to have my own retail store and sell cool jewelry and clothes, both vintage and new
  • I want to drive a VW convertible bug (yellow preferred!)

  • I want to have an old wooden board swing, and sit on it and drink homemade lemonade
  • I want to run in a half marathon
  • I want to stomp grapes in barrel to make wine
  • I want to watch a roller derby game
  • I want to see Alaska
  • I want to learn how to make cheese cake, (not because I like it but because my husband does!)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Back to school....

"it's the most wonderful time of the year!" envision the commercial where the usual Christmas tune is in the back ground of parents swinging grocery carts around the aisle and instead of toys their carts are full of notebooks and pencils.  Yes, it's back to school!!!!

I had three children to get up and get ready to return to school  It never fails, the first week of school is always a scorching 90some odd degrees!  Mason headed out to the bus stop at 6:45am.  Dylan and I were granted the privilege of walking him to the stop but were not given permission to stay and wait it out!  I was not allowed to take any pictures nor kiss him good bye.  Middle school is serious business!

Next out the door was Walker.  He had only had two weeks off so this wasn't so traumatic for him!  He was very excited and ate all of his breakfast and was singing away! All of us, Poo, Daddy, Dylan and I walked him up to the bus stop and watched  him get on.  We even sent him without his binky which is a HUGE deal!! His notebook said he had a great day and even worked on an apple project.

Poo and I drove Dylan in to school and walked him into his classroom.  He was very anxious to get there and had been up since 5:30am when his brother got up to get ready. He was so happy to meet his teacher and stay in the Minisink school where he knew most of his classmates!



As for Poo, she wasn't to sure about everyone leaving and was a little sad.  Time with mommy hasn't really sunk in since we spent most of the day running errands and doing things that we have never been able to do, just her and I! Here she is playing peek a boo, popping up from the floor while we wait to get Walker off the bus.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bitter sweet

Yesterday my father signed off on the sale of his business.  It was never a "family" business but it certainly was a family affair.  After almost 15 years, the local pub will now belong to someone other than my dad.  It has so many emotions tied up with it for me, that it truly is bitter sweet. 

At age 21, I begged my father for a job bar-tending.  It took some convincing since he and I hadn't always had the best relationship.  He finally agreed to give me a shot and I was determined to be the best employee he had!  There was something about working for my dad that made me want to impress him the most.  Growing up we both dealt with each other on a "business like" level. I knew that working for him, would not afford me any type of extra privilege, in fact, it just meant that I would have to work that much harder for his approval.  After a year or so of working for him, I moved on to a marriage and children.  I had spent my fair share of Sunday afternoons inside a dark and smokey bar.

Years later I had reached a cross road in my life and wanted to taste the night life that I was sure I missed out on.  I ended up in the one place that I felt was somewhat safe and comfortable to unwind. As my future career plans shifted I once again found myself asking my father for a job.

For three years I lived a double life.  Mother and full time student during the week, and party till early morning girl on the weekends.  Large amounts of cigarettes and alcohol were consumed but it also supported me and my two children so I could return to college and get my BA degree.  I met my husband there and many great people.  I also have seen the dark side of many others, and the hours and drama associated with alcohol really began to take a toll on me.  Add in the emotional component of working for ones family and I was soon burnt out.

Its been a few years since I have been a regular back there.  I've saved my visits for a few occasions in which I thought it was my family obligation to attend. When people asked why I didn't buy the business from my dad or how come he was selling it, my only answer is "its a tough business".  There are not enough words to explain how the atmosphere can suck you in and change who you are or who you want to be.

Looking back my emotions are bitter sweet.  I am raising a toast to a place that gave me my new life and reminds me of how far I have come.  I am thankful for its place in my history and happy that it is where it will stay.  "cheers to the Back Track"  and I will finish my cup coffee now.  

 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Feeling his oats

Tonight after my oldest attending the "child care" portion of my zumba class, he exclaimed that it really "sucked ass". Yup, you read that right and I heard it right.  Excuse me? and he repeated it!!!  Yeah, this has been happening a lot lately.  Just things here and there that he says or does, almost as if he is testing me or forgetting that he is not 18! I am all for having a good relationship with my son, but not at the cost of his morals and dignity.  I hope and pray he isn't trying this on other grownups!  Not sure what goes on at his father's house (another joy of divorce) but he is old enough to know the differences in how our households are run and swearing is not an option for an 11 year old.  yes, you read that right. 11 going on 25! 

HELP!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Eat, Pray Love

Its been a full week since I finished reading, Eat, Pray, Love.  I had not been familiar with the book until my friend Courtney suggested we go see the movie.  Then I found out it was a book, and when I happened to run into her in the library and she told me I could find it in the biography section, I figured I would read it first.

The reason I have waited to blog about the book is because I wanted to be sure that I felt the same way about the book after I processed it.  While reading the book I was enthralled!  I wanted to jump inside the pages and yell "me too, me too!". I wanted to underline passages and mark additional comments in the margins, but it was a library book after all.  So I went on Amazon and bought myself a copy!  I think this clearly puts me in the nerdy category but hey, that's okay!

I am not a religious person, but I do consider myself a spiritual being.  What I believe in depends on the day and my mood, but the underlying moral comes back to myself, and being  my own guiding force. This book really got me to thinking about how does one go about finding God? I can't just pack up and spend three months in any one place, heck, I can't pack up and spend three days!  Does the journey have to involve the travel or can I do so on my own, in my own world?  I believe I could but truly understand that by removing myself from my daily life and responsibilities I would be able to focus just on myself.  I just don't see that happening anytime soon.

So I must be patient, and understand that I will find God, when I am ready to.

Tonight we are going to see the movie, I hope its 1/8th as good as the book.  It also helps that Julia Roberts is the star and I absolutely adore her!!!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Fatty and the beast

In my perpetual attempts to free the skinny me, that is hiding out inside me I am always trying to find ways to work into my daily routine more calorie burning. I even go as far as wear a pedometer, to track my progress daily. Have I mentioned I am a Virgo? yeah, so that should explain a lot. I like to track progress, to work on a goal to see visible results. Which is also why I love a treadmill! So rewind to last Friday, a week ago. Its very  hard to get my husband home so that I can get out and hit a Zumba class so last week I asked him what his plans were for the rest of the night when he surprised me by being home around 5:30pm!  He told me he wanted to mow the lawn, which means that there would be no leaving the kids with him so I could get out.  Then i said, well why don't I mow the lawn?

Yes, you heard right, I was offering to mow the lawn.  I actually really enjoy it.  Its one of the chores that you can do and be in your own world, because you can't hear anything else that is going on!  Dogs could be barking, children could be fighting or screaming, and there you are just pushing this thing along a nice row of grass.  (again, those Virgo tendencies!) Its also one of the chores that no one but mother nature can mess up after you are done. The thing is that I haven't mowed the lawn since Mr. Mr. was born.  The entire summer before he was born, while I was pregnant, I happily mowed the lawn.  It was great exercise and I had the time.  But since he and Poo have been born, I can't seem to do much without having someone attached to my hip.  The other side of this is that we have a HUGE mower.  Hence, the beast!



My husband purchased this 60 in mower with all intentions of him using it, little did he know that he married a girl who loves a challenge. (okay, yeah he probably did!)

At first I was very intimidated by this thing.  It self propells and the way it steers is by breaking either left or right to make it turn. In order to get the blade on, and get it in gear you have to hold on to both brakes , which are located on the handle grip, and use your knee to put it in gear.  It has 5 of them, but I only work myself up to 2.  At our old house, the lawn was pretty straight forward with the exception of the big rocks that lined the yard.  Needless to say, I was determined to master this thing.  I figured, I can drive a motorcycle, I should be able to drive a mower.

The first couple of times, I would get it so close to the rock that it would run part of it over and sparks would fly and loud grinding noises could be heard.  I think I made him replace the blades twice that summer.  The final episode was when i got it stuck in the ditch in the front yard.  I just wasn't strong enough to pull it out and get it on level ground so that the wheels would catch.  I thought about taking one of the fords out and pull it out, but with my luck I would get it  stuck worse or break something.  As luck would have it my father in law stopped by and gave me a hand, and my husband was unaware... well except for the ruts in the lawn!

At our current house, the lawn is a little bit more tricky.  There are low branches on the apple trees that you must limbo under, there are stumps sticking out and the back yard is one big hill.  I did pretty good on the front, just kept it in 1st gear while doing the limbo, but the back yard was another story!  I quickly learned that the heavy mower would pull me down the hill faster than 5th gear would allow it to go!  I must have been a sight, running behind this thing then trying to jerk on the breaks to slow it down and swing back around.  

I would have fired me, the job looked that bad!  Not even weed whacking would help!  Oh well, I did get in a good work out, the lawn got mowed and my hubby got to spend some quality time with the kiddos.  As for how many steps I walked?  Well, somewhere between the limbo and the downhill obstacle course, I lost the pedometer.   Guess that's a sign!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The birth of Poo


With each of my four children, I have a tradition of retellling the tale of their birth.  Its their very own personal story of how they came to the earth and its a moment of time that is only between us.

As my fourth child, one might think that pregnancy and birth would be old hat, but truth be told, i was a little nervous!  Not knowing if any of the minor complications I had during labor with Walker contributed to his delays, I wanted to be sure that everything went smoothly.

Each birth is different, not only in the physical sense but also the psychological.  With my first, I was petrified, did everything the doctor told me and was a nervous wreck the whole time. With my second, I was exhausted from chasing a toddler and wanted it over and done with as soon as possible.  With my third, I wanted everything to be as natural as possible, I read books written by mid wives, I used my essential oils, I wanted everything to be blissful. But as the birth of my fourth came closer, I was really trying to go with the flow. If they wanted me to take drugs, so be it.  If they wanted to induce me, so be it.  I was going to let the doctor, whom I trusted, guide me and hope that there would be no complications like last time. I was due August 12th, but kept feeling like I wouldn't make it that long.

A week before my due date I was becoming really uncomfortable, but I just passed it up to carrying around a toddler and keeping up with my other two.  When I went to see my Ob/Gyn, she took one look at my face and said, "you're ready".  She did not want me to go one minute past my due date and when they hooked me up to the fetal monitors, I was already having contractions, but nothing steady.  So after some talking and planning, we decided that I would go into the hospital that night and they would induce me.  This would hopefully insure that by morning I should have the baby and she would be there to deliver.  Sounded like a good plan to me!  I wanted this baby out!

I called my mother and sister and told them the news, but insisted that I would get to the hospital and call them once things started.  I didn't want them sitting around all night.  I was still having contractions but my mind was just racing about the cervidil that they would insert in me and then the possibility of pitocin.
I knew that once we started down this path that there would be no turning back, that if my body didn't respond then the final destination would be the operating room for a C- section.  This scared the hell out of me!

When Ramiah and I got to the hospital my mother and sister were already there.  They insisted on being there. They felt that by the way I sounded on the phone breathing through contractions it wouldn't be long at all.

I checked into the hospital at 8 pm, shortly after they inserted the cervidil.  The worst part was that I had to stay in bed for an hour to make sure that it stayed inside me and worked its magic.  I am a person who needs to be in active labor.  This was torture!  I couldn't just sit and be in pain, if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna take charge and make sure it goes as quick as possible.  At that point you better just jump in and swim!  They also hooked me up to the monitor and this made it difficult to move around in the bed.  The belt kept slipping off and then beep and my mom or sister would have to adjust it for me.

Finally, after an hour the nurse said I could get out of bed, so onto the exercise ball I went and out came my oils! Everyone was hanging around and just laughing and watching the clock.  I was enjoying myself except those pesky contractions.  At those times, Ramiah would just rub my back and the whole room would go quiet.  When the nurse came in and looked at the numbers on the monitors read out she was all "ho hum", and everyone in the room looked puzzled.  Now, hold up!  I am not some whimpy first timer here, and those suckers were hurting so why weren't they registering on the machine?? Finally, my mother piped up and said, "ah, that isn't working right, cause she's having some good ones here".  Ah, yeah!!!!! Hallelujah, thank you!  So the nurse checked it out and look at that! it wasn't reading right.  By now,I was in no mood for funnies and just wanted whatever they put in my out! Lets get this show on the road.  It was 11:05pm.

The midwife returned, and when she saw my face, you said. "yup, we are going to have a baby tonight".  (ya think?)  As the contractions came harder we all watched the clock and my husband said that I had to wait until midnight to have the baby because that would ruin my nieces birthday too. (they have a love/hate relationship) we all had a good laugh!  This is how he handles stress... with humor.... 

At 12:04am, on Tuesday August 4th, they said "its a girl!".  The look on my face had to be priceless! I was convinced I was having another boy.  She came out with dark hair and pudgy cheeks.  She was beautiful.

Her name was Willow Marie... well... maybe... this was the name that we had been planning on naming a girl, but in my mind I had pictured a girl to be the same light coloring as Walker.  This dark hair, sturdy girl did not seem like a Willow to me.  So I asked Ramiah if we could sleep on it.  But he knew what I really wanted to name her, (it was the name I kept slipping back into the drawing that he really didn't seem to like), so Sawyer Rose was finally settled on.  Okay, so I'm not really sure if we settled or not, because at that moment, I think any man would be a complete jerk for not giving his wife, who just pushed out another baby, whatever she dam well wanted!!! 

Sawyer Rose is the perfect name for this little girl.  It is a salty mix of spice and sugar.  Her tom boyishness, comes on strong, like her brute force and intensity, but she is soft and beautiful at the same time.

Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Motherhood fantasy #36

I'm achy, sore and just plain tired.  Too many nights without sleep, too many mornings to have to get up and get moving before I can even get a sip of coffee has left me feeling depleted. To make matters worse, today is Sunday and the hubby is out working. So our "family" day is out the window.  It feels like I could use an espresso this morning, and I hate espresso! I've had the television on for 45 minutes and my mommy guilt has kicked in.  Laundry needs to be done, my floors haven't been washed in weeks, beds need to be changed but I am ready for a nap and its only  8:33am. My mother always reminds me that "this too shall pass", but on mornings like this it doesn't feel like I can make it through till then!  So for the next 15 minutes, I will add a little Baileys creamer (don't worry its non alcoholic) and meditate on this picture.... I can almost feel those hands on my back and the cushion of the table under me.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh  


Friday, July 30, 2010

A Sunday Hike

In my quest to lose some weight and just become a healthier person, I talked my hubby into going for a hike in the glorious Minnawaska Moutains nearby.  Yes, i had to talk him into it, because on his day off, exercise isn't really a top priority.  The man does manual labor everyday of his life, so he doesn't really see the need to add steps on his pedometer, but he is a man who loves the woods.

We headed out not knowing exactly what to expect, it had been years since I was last there, and honestly was under the influence of some natural herbal supplements that my memories are a little foggy.  but as we headed down the trail, the beauty of this place filled me.  I don't think it matters how many times you go , it is breathtaking each time!

We walked down the path to the falls, and for a Sunday afternoon, I was surprised that more people weren't out.  Hubby reminded me that there is a lake on top, where most people would go to enjoy a hot July afternoon.  So all the better! 

With Poo on my back and daddy holding Mr. Mr. it wasn't too bad on the way down.  But we timed it all wrong and as the minute hand turned to 1:00pm, Mr. Mr. was ready for a nap.  Plus he had a full belly and with all the bumping while walking, it was starting to come up again, so we had to make our hike short and head back. 
As we headed back up the hill, and I mean, UP the hill, Mr. Mr. decided that since he had the most comfortable ride he would take it upon himself to snooze right there!
Must be nice!
Not sure what we will do in a short while since the boy keeps growing and eating!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The thick or thin of it

I have a love hate relationship with my body image.  Some days, I am "happy to be me" no matter what size I am because I believe that strong personal confidence is much more healthy on the soul than muscle mass.  But then other days i long for that skinny me, that I know is hiding in there somewhere! I have seen her in the past and I like her.  She looks super cute in hippy sundresses and skorts.  Also, the Calvin Kline jeans that I paid $60 bucks for are worth every penny on a tight ass.

Now i am not about to go on a rant about all the diets I have tried, because that would be a down out lie!  Truthfully, I have only really done one diet, Weight Watchers and it worked really, really well! The reason it works is only because it controls portion sizes, helps you eat a balanced diet and makes you track not only what you eat but your progress.  This diet (they don't want it called a diet, its really a life style) only works, and I stress, only works if you stick to program and if you are honest with yourself.

Sticking to the program is a problem when your social life centers around food like ours does.  We eat out a lot and have really gotten into the habit of bad food choices on a regular basis. (hence why I am bigger than I have ever been!) So the toughest part is getting out of those habits and creating new ones.  Its not just me that has to change its a household. 

This week i have already begun to hear the "there's nothing in the house" groans as my two tweens have searched for their perfect snack and have only found the fruit and vegetables that I purchased instead of the oreos and chips that usually fill my cabinets. 

Its only the second week so we shall see how progress goes.  I have calculated that I have to be on "program" for a full year to lose the weight that I want to lose.  I guess then it will truly be a life style change.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Bye to an old friend

Saying goodbye to an old friend is bitter sweet.  One one hand you feel that you are losing a part of yourself, a part of your history but on the other hand you want all the best and wish them well and happiness!

Yesterday the boys, poo and i went to see a dear friend that is moving away down south.  I was thinking a lot about our friendship over the past nine years.  We went from seeing each other everyday for four years, to only catching up with one another when major life events happen.  She is the only woman who worked with me that still actually likes me!  (see previous blog)

We have seen each other go through marriage, divorce, dis-engagement, marriage, four children a handful of jobs, graduations from college, business adventures and friends lost and gained.  She has always been someone I knew I could count on when the going got tough.  No judgment, just a strong shoulder to lean on. I hope that she feels the same about me.

As her family is packing up and sorting through what to keep and move and what to throw away, I hope that our memories and my address are not tossed.  I know that the distance will make it even harder to stay in touch, but luckily technology can keep us connected.

I wish her and her family all the best!  Good Luck, you will be missed!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Natural meditation

I've always been one to enjoy meditation.  I learned about ten years ago that its affects on my mind and body are immense.  The issue is that I don't always make it a priority and therefor can find everything else to do than take time out to meditate.  Who can truly enjoy solitude when there are screaming children, arguing brothers, dogs barking and lawn mowers in the yard?

As the summer months came upon us, I began keeping an eye on the wild raspberry bushes in my mother in laws yard.  Last year I was just a few days late on getting to them, just to find that mother nature ate most or the rest were molded and dropped on the ground.   So this year I was intent on getting to them at the right moment.

Last year my mother and I also took a class on making jelly and jams at the Cornell Cooperative Extension campus in town. We didn't get to use the knowledge that we acquired so I am really focused on making up some good 'ole raspberry jam! 

One week ago, my husband and I set out to his mother's house to finally pick the sacred berries.  Half way there, I realized I forgot my plastic tub.  Luckily, his mother allowed me to use the berry pot that for a few generations has been used to gather berries.  It truly is the perfect pot!  It has a handle that allows you to slip it over your arm while picking through the thorns for the delicate prize.Delicate, they are!  They will crumble in your hands with the slightest bit of pressure, and their juice will leave your hands sticky.

The process itself was what really hooked me.  It is in its own way, meditation. It is a repetitive task that allows you to be in the thick of the woods and focus just on the fruit.  I couldn't help but think as I was picking that mother nature is beautiful.  That she provides for the earth and how lucky we are to reap her rewards.  

I also could understand how people can get lost in the woods while berry picking.  You become so focused on the next pick, the perfect berry that you could lose your bearings and finally look up and see nothing but green.

Last night we returned to gather more that were not ripe last week and I must say we have quite a bounty! It was also great to be in the woods of my husband's youth and see his excitement retelling the tales of rabbit hunting and camp fires.

The next step is actually making the jam so I'll keep you posted!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

A Walk on the Moon

Today while channel surfing while nursing Miss Poo, I came across a movie I never heard of.  It intrigued me since it took place during Woodstock and thought, why not. 

Okay, so its totally a girlie movie, but the sound track rocked!  It also made me cry... a lot....

For the rest of the day, I kept thinking about it and not sure if I should like it or not, because in truth I hate the idea of adultery, but a small part of me, understood why the wife did what she did.   I think everyone who is married could understand a small piece of it, since it is so easy to get caught up in the daily routine, the mundane.... who doesn't fantasize about running away and being carefree?  Its nothing against my husband, honestly a girl really can't do better than he, but somedays life as a movie doesn't seem so bad.  It didn't help that the sex scenes were incredible and the co -star was hot.

but lets face it, life isn't a movie and its really the normal everyday stuff that is hard. Sticking through that is the wonder of marriage and what strengthens character.  A while back I quoted a television show that the main character said "romance is easy, its the parent teacher conferences that are tough"... so true....   

Friday, July 16, 2010

Joy Ride

With Mr. Mr. in school, I have fully intended on getting out and getting some exercise.  I am at my highest weight ever (besides pregnancy) and really need to do something about it.  Watching my mother inject her diabetic medication on vacation really hit me that I need to  get my weight and sugars under control otherwise that will be me.

So off Poo and I went this morning to the Heritage trail with my friend Kelly's bike.
Originally it was going to be the boys as well but they went to their dad's early so instead of mopping around at home i decided that we would give it a shot. 

We did really great! We rode from Goshen to Chester and back which is about 8 miles.  Poo wouldn't keep her helmet on (hence why it is hanging on the side) but we will keep practicing it!

It was a good workout but the bike is a little too big for me (Kelly is about 5 inches taller than me!) so i think my husband will allow me to get my own!  Very exciting!  I figure it will cost me just about what three months of a family membership will at the Y, so why not? (pun intended)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I first want to thank you, for clarifying details of my blog, that obviously offended you.  I also want to thank you for reminding me how far I have come from a life time ago.  I often tell people that didn't know me "then" that they wouldn't have really liked me, cause I for sure didn't like me!  That is why I made the choices that I have.

I also want to thank you for taking time out and reading my blog, even if it is with malice.  It helped remind me that my little blog sphere is actually out on the world wide web.  I often forget that not only can friends and family read my thoughts, but anyone who is savvy enough to locate me can as well.  I am not ashamed of my past alter egos or current ones, that is why my profile is public and easily accessed.   I am just a little sad that out of all my writings, dealing with family issues, marriage and most importantly my son's special needs, there wasn't a good comment that could be made.

It honestly upsets me that there are people out there that don't like me and don't like me so much that they spend time finding me on the net to put forth negativity.

Please accept my warmest apologies for whatever sins I committed against you or someone you love.  But understand that I didn't lose any sleep over it, not because I don't care, but because sleep deprivation for three years keeps me from losing any shut eye, once my head hits the pillow!

Feel free to continue reading, or contact me directly for more specified apologies.

Sincerely,
Ambitions of a Trophy Wife

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Divorce sucks!

41 years my parents have been married.  Growing up, I only knew two families that were divorced.  My one friend, whom I will call Linda, lived with her mother, and her father lived in California.  It was a whole year of friendship before i found out she had a brother because he lived with her dad and only came to visit one month out of the summer.  My other 'divorced family' friend was Debbie. Her mother had remarried and her father lived just a few short roads down from them.  She was able to take the same bus to either house and split her week between the two.  Often, her father would be at her house having a cup of coffee or a hamburger when I would arrive for soccer practice. 

When my first marriage dissolved, I had hopes of something similar to my friend Debbie's parents.  I had read articles about the effects of divorce and wanted to spare my children the torment of having to chose between us.  I had fantasies about us keeping the marital home and leaving the children in it and just rotating us in and out.   I planned on sharing teacher conferences, and celebrating birthdays together. But the reality is, that there was another person I forgot to ask....my ex. 

Last Saturday was my oldest son's championship baseball game.  As they were celebrating their victory, Dylan came over to ask if we could all go out for a celebratory ice cream. They were at the game with their dad since they are with him on the weekends.     I told him that I would think about it, and later he came back and said that his dad wanted to know where we were going.  I thought 'okay, this maybe uncomfortable but I can suffer through it for Mason and Dylan".  Shortly after, Dylan came back to me and was very upset because his father said they couldn't go.  My heart was heavy. For a few brief minutes Dylan would have had both his parents and all the people he loves in one place! I understand that their father and his girlfriend may or may not have wanted to cozy up with me and my husband, it just reinforced that divorce sucks! 

There is always emotions and baggage that come along with every interaction.  A famous doctor always states that people should not get divorced until all emotional business is done.  but how often does that happen?  I think it is more that we as parents have to let go.  We have to consciously remember that the children are the ones affected. This means putting aside our hate, or guilt or just plain childishness.  Not always easy, I must admit. 

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Underwater

One of the many hats that I wear around here is accountant for my husbands tree business.  (Yes, I do do more than work on my tan!) The problem is, I hate accounting!  For 8 years I worked in cooperate America, managing a treasury department with a large staff.  cash management department.  I worked my way up from reception and was very good at what I did, I just grew tired of the hamster wheel, I was perpetually on.  The work was never caught up, the staff and I were underpaid and to top it off the company hired a really masochistic CEO. (I don't use that term lightly, shortly after I left the company he moved on to another job where he was fired for anger management issues)

Needless to say it left a sour taste in my mouth so when  it comes to doing the "books" for our company, I  post pone it as long as possible.  Now, add all the rest that's on my plate and guess what? I haven't posted a journal entry since the end of the year, and actually I still haven't finished last years p & l.  With the summer coming, and all the children home, I feel that it is hopeless.

When I feel that something is hopeless, then I will procrastinate even more!

Exactly how much jail time is extortion to the IRS?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

There's no crying in baseball

I know that sports are a great learning experience for children, but with the close of this season of baseball fast approaching, I am ready to throw in the towel! My two older boys have been playing baseball since they could swing a bat.  Their father, was the baseball king in his high school and therefore has high hopes that one of his boys will take over his thrown. The first few years they play are great, everyone gets to play each position, parents are just happy to enjoy a good game and there is little to no pressure.  But as they get older, it becomes more competitive which in turn puts the pressure on the kids.  For my middle guy, this isn't such a big deal, if he strikes out or misses a ball he can easily shrug it off and stay in the game.  for my oldest guy, who is a type A personality, this is not the case.  He is his own worse enemy.  It breaks my heart to see him try so hard and then get so discouraged when one thing doesn't go his way. The kids on the team, are also hard on each other, and if the game is going badly, forget it!

How am I supposed to stand by and watch him just feel defeated?  I keep encouraging him, but he looks at me like I am making it worse! I know I'm just the "mom" but I want to help him up from that dark place of self doubt!  I tell him I am proud of him and that his best is all that I ask for!  But its a long ride home, with the recount of all his mistakes and not hearing one word of praise from me!  I just want him to enjoy the game again! I know this is part of the learning process... it just stinks!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

A day to sell

It was the official yard sale of the year today.  My mother and I have one every year, and usually a sister or two join in.  This year we held it at our old house, hoping to generate some traffic to it since its been on the market for 6 months with no real interest. (more on that later)

Yard sales are a lot of work.  For the past two weeks I have been going through things setting stuff aside, tagging it with prices etc.  Its really a process for anyone who has small hording issues like those that run in my family.  As my mother says, "historically people were either hunters or gatherers, in our family, we must have been gatherers". So after making the decision to truly get rid of my maternity and baby clothes (again, this is a whole other blog worthy topic!)  I also went through those last few boxes from when we moved that I haven't gotten around to unpacking.

So this morning I was up bright and early, packing the last few boxes and headed over to meet my mother and sister.  As the day began, it was looking very promising.  We had put an ad in the paper and hung up signs and there were a few other local yard sales to draw more attention.  There is a whole sociological study that can be done just around yard sales and the people who shop them or those that host.
  • the early birds - who know that you posted a specific time to start but disregard it in hopes that they will be the first to find that "treasure"
  • the antique hunters
  • the allowance shoppers - they have a set amount of money that they allow themselves to spend and have to figure out if they blow it all in one spot is it worth it incase the next place there is something better.
  • no yard sale is complete without the hagglers (my family and I are not good with these people, we won't haggle... just take it!)
Then there is the whole psychology of us sellers.  Throughout the whole day my mother, sisters and I will shop on each others stuff. (we used to pay each other but over the years we just say - take it - its yours)

The best are the items that we really don't want to part with so we price them just a little to high, hoping that no one will really buy it, but we can pretend that we tried to get rid of it!

The weather turned out beautiful, the kids that attended were really well behaved and all in all, we made a few bucks and spent some quality time with each other.  The end result - we did good enough to call it a day, but not good enough to stretch it out for another day!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Doggie tails

Come on by and stay for awhile, don't mind the dog hair attached to your pants.... i can't seem to get rid of it, so I might as well make it a fashion statement.  This time of year, last year, I took the mutts to be "groomed".  Now i have nothing against those of you who do this for your dog regularly, but i have the no maintenance kind of mutts, but with one being part boarder collie, a good shave early in the season is a good idea.

This year, i couldn't quite figure out how I would get it done, with two children and two dogs who cumulatively outweigh me, I was thinking it wasn't going to get done this year... but then there was the stench. The gotta roll in whatever dead thing they find, stench.. gotta love the country dog!

Then i came across Roaming Rovers. She came right to my house and groomed the beasts.  It was GREAT! But Kawi didn't really think so,





Duke was pretty good about it, just a little whining.

The best part, there was no cleanup, she just drove off!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Not far from the tree

Things my mother did, that I find myself now doing as well:

  1. using a flash light to look in my pantry closet
  2. putting random children's things on the stairs to their room
  3. using rubber bands as cabinet child proof devices
  4. throwing shoes up the stairs to my children's room
  5. composting
  6. singing orders to my children instead of yelling
I guess it could be worse!
Love you mom!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Pretty Woman

Tomorrow I am hosting a Happy to be me party, which actually means, its a happy to be you party.  And okay, so i am not exactly hosting it, Dress Barn is. But I am very excited.  What is it you ask? Its two hours of having the entire store to ourselves to try on everything and anything we could dream of.  It reminds me of that scene in Pretty Woman after Julia Robers is shunned in a store and the rich guy takes her back and makes the sales associates grovel and pamper her.  Okay, so maybe that isn't exactly what will happen, but it will be a good day. 

I have come to a  place in my life currently that my weight is not getting any lower and I don't see a real diet or new exercise regimen in my near future.  The problem is that my closet is full of clothes one size too small, and there fore I am squeezing myself into these clothes which are not really fitting me well which just makes me more upset. So I have come to a point where I want to be happy being me, and therefore deserve clothes that fit me well and look great. Oh and did I mention that I get a great discount too???

Friday, May 21, 2010

The face of PPD

Its been a struggle, these days I have been on an emotional roller coaster (my posts certainly reflect this!) but the truth be told, I am the face of PPD, yup, I said the secret words....  postpartum depression.  After having my first two children, I was faced with a bad marriage and overwhelming feelings of panic.  I didn't initially recognize the signs and would suffer from panic attacks.  Once I was diagnosed and put on medication I was able to learn coping techniques and what my triggers were. After 18 months on medication I weaned myself off successfully. 

After having Walker i began having similar symptoms (for a list of signs click here)  But this time I was armed with the knowledge and sought out help immediatelty. Since my husband and I knew we wanted to have another child my doctor and I decided that I would just stay on the medication instead of going off and on.  Although the medication helps, I hate the fact that I have to be "on" something.  The medication makes me feel so good that two months ago I decided to wean myself off of it.   For the first month, I felt good, I would sense small amounts of anxiety but felt that my other coping mechanisms were handling them well.  ( Mediation, essential oils and visual imagery) but about three weeks ago, I felt my emotions start to spin out of control.  I was angry all the time, i had little if any patience with my older boys and I would just cry randomly throughout the day. 

There is just something inside me that wants to believe that I don't need medication.,  That there must be some natural way for me to deal with this so I headed over to my local natural food store.  Sure there are tons of natural products that help alleviate depression, but since they are not FDA regulated, no one would assure me that taking them while breast feeding would be safe. And I am not about to put miss poo at risk so my next stop was the homeopath I had previously taken Walker to.  She met with me and feels that I have a lot of food sensitivities that once they are addressed the depression will disappear.  Now this makes sense to me in theory! However, what do I do in the mean time?

Last Friday I found myself sitting in a parking lot with an ice cream cone and just crying.  I realized at that point that I really need to cut myself a break.  If someone I knew and loved had a serious health issue and needed to take the medication, I would be upset with them if they didn't.  So why was I being so critical of myself? Like I said, I needed to cut myself a break!  So day 5 of being back on my PPD meds and I feel a whole lot better.  Who said this had to be for the rest of my life? and if so, so what?

I want to break the stigma... the secrecy behind PPD.  I am the face of it... see my smile?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wtth a capital T

She thinks Walker's chair tastes so good!!!

 She has no respect of personal space!

 And everything is here for her amusement!
Meet Miss TROUBLE

Monday, May 10, 2010

Simple things

I must admit, that I am quite proud of myself!  These days funds are tight so I have been really putting an effort into finding uses for items that I have around the house. The more creative I am, the better I feel about spending money on other things!  It's like I have a ledger in my head.  If I saved $2.00 on not purchasing something, than I have $2.00 for something else. Okay, so maybe its not the best plan, but I'm a work in progress after all!

So back to my excitement, today I was hanging out laundry on my newly hung laundry line, when I realized that my line was starting to hang, lower and lower due to the weight of the clothes and the height of the line.   As we can all agree, clean clothes hanging in the dirt just defeats the purpose!  So I went and grabbed some links.  These toys were not around for my older boys, and I never really understood their purpose for Walker since he still doesn't reach up and grab toys, but with Sawyer I have begun to use them for so many things!


I've used these for hanging grocery bags from the stroller, keeping binkey's attached to Walker, pulling up zippers on snow suits and now, I am using them to keep my clothes line together!

It really is the simple things in life!!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Moms that teach me!

With Mother's Day I have been reflecting what kind of mother I am, with that I have been thinking a lot about all the mom's in my life that I have met in the past or know currently that make me want to be a great mom just like them!

Mom 1 - This woman has been a single mom for a long time.  She works hard and adores her only daughter.  She has provided a stable and loving home for her, and encourages her to excel in everything that she does.  She has taught me the stability of motherhood. 

Mom 2- This woman raised several children, and although she wasn't a perfect mom, she continued to search for a better way of life for herself and them.  She has taught me the hope of motherhood.

Mom 3 - A single mom who has a teenage son and they have an open and honest relationship.  This woman has been through so much, mentally and physically yet still has the ability to believe in a higher power and has taught her son what that is worth.  She has taught me the faith of motherhood.

Mom 4 -  A married mother of three who had many unexpected turns in life.  She has raised them to be polite, loving people who are a joy to be around.  She stands her ground when necessary and holds true to her word.  She has taught me the strength of motherhood.

Mom 5 - A married mother of two, who is teaching her children the importance of protecting our earth and ourselves.  She goes against modern life and chooses to be engaged with her children by home schooling, and providing them with a natural home.  She has taught me the ingenuity of motherhood.

Mom 6 - A single mom of two. She is the most natural parent I have ever met. Her children enjoy the freedom of being who they want to me at every moment of every day without the restrictions of societies expectations.  She has taught me the playfulness of motherhood.

Mom 7 - A married mother of four, she is the energizer bunny!  She home schools, volunteers and works outside the home.  She is even opening her home up to others in order to proved them with the security and  comfort her family has.  She has taught me the generosity of motherhood.

Mom 8 - A married mother of four, who juggled motherhood, a career and a marriage, long before it was cool. She raised four daughters to believe in themselves, and always take on the next challenge of life.  She has taught me the courage of motherhood.

Mom 9 - A married mother of two, once of which has special needs. She is informed and educated about her child's needs.  She is outspoken for both of her children.  She has taught the advocacy of motherhood. 

To all mothers that I meet, whether its in the grocery store, on the ball field or in the office, I am your student. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Entries wanted

That's it... I am ready to embark on a project that I have threatened to do for many years now.  Its quite a simple idea, men have theirs, why can't us moms have our own? Sure, its not quite the same, but it can be seen in public places like your kitchen or office.

Here it is ladies..... the Mommy Porn Calendar for 2011....

Meet Mr. July!!!

and Mr. December!!
Send in your entries ladies.... we will be voting on all 12  months!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Lunch time Oasis

I live in a house with a bunch of vanilla mouths!  This is a term that one of my oldest and dearest friend's mother used to call me!

I have to admit, that up until I returned to college I wasn't one to be too adventurous with my food selection, Chinese take out was as crazy as a suburban white mom would go! While at New Paltz I took a class on peer mentoring and found myself smack in the middle of some cultural challenges. I not only was out of their age group (I'm sure they must have joked about the old lady taking classes) but each peer I was assigned was from a completely different back ground.  One girl was Dominican, another African America from Queens, another girl was from China and a young man from Taiwan. (yes, for those politically incorrect, there is a difference!)  One of the easiest way for me to get these kids to open up was to use my most valuable resource... $$$ Yup, I'm not ashamed, I would take them out to lunch and they would get to pick the place.  This opened my eyes up to a whole new world of food, and I tried it all! 

Flash forward a few years, and my life is just not that exciting anymore!  So when the house is quiet.. and the babies are in bed, I dream of a mini vacation to somewhere exotic. Who knew I could find a simple passport right in my grocery freezer?

Sunday, April 18, 2010

update...fly by

Where have I been you ask? Well, this weekend started out with a trip to the Emergency Room.  I must say that with four children I am very lucky to have waiting this long to take this parental journey.  It was not something I would have signed up for if I had had my way! My poor Dylan!  Friday during his school chorus concert he passed out and fell off the risers, landing face first on the hard concert floor!  He was so brave!  He got 9 stitches on the day before his 9th birthday!  Talk about adding more grey hair to my head! 

I give nurses a hell of a lot of credit!  I almost passed out watching them stitch his chin back together! I kept telling him though it will make a great story for his grand children one day!

Aside from that, it has just been none stop busy around here!  Baseball season is under way which means that the hippie mobile is constantly on the go driving one child to a baseball game just about every night of the week.  I am looking forward to warmer weather so me and the babies can actually get out of the van and play in the grass!

Hope to be back on here more.... 

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Head, shoulder, knees and .....

The warm weather of the past week has made me get out all of my spring and summer clothes, and do the whole seasonal clothing swap.  My dream bedroom has a closet big enough for me to leave everything in it all year round! Although that would take the surprise out of finding things that I totally forgot I have!  This year was especially exciting since last spring and summer I was in maternity clothes.  What wasn't nice was the way they fit. I decided though, that i am not going to beat myself up for my weight, because right now I just have too dam much on my plate and adding a diet would certainly put me over the edge. 

I love my long skirts!  I love sundresses too, but with nursing Sawyer those are still out of the question.  Excitedly, i washed and ironed everything and happily put on one of my favorite tie-dyed skirts from Sunshine Studios.  To my horror though, I forgot one very important piece, my toes!  I can't stand naked toes in sandals, unless they are perfectly manicured and clean.  (which my feet are never) Luckily I had the opportunity to go and get a pedicure.  
A pedicure is my idea of heaven!  Nothing is better than a warm soak and a good rub! The massage chair rocks too!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Back in Black

Easter Splendor

so hosting a holiday is really not my thing... there is the planning,the cooking.. the cleaning and then just having everyone in my house and not being able to go home when I want.  And did I mention cleaning???

My mother decieded that this year it would be "easier" if we all came to my house since Walker and Sawyer have so much stuff, then they could be in their own homes and feel more comfortable. Needless to say I was a little stressed (a paper being due did not really help).

I was able to get my paper done the night before and everyone really pitched in, I just had to make a ham, everyone brought everything else and it was really informal, but nice.  I am glad that we did it and the day was beautiful!!

My older boys were home, which was especially nice since its been a few years since we have had them for Easter.

No egg hunt (Mason told me he knew I was the Easter bunny because he found my stash on the top of the refrigerator) which disappoints me! They are also getting to big for Easter outfits and pictures... bummer...but even with my complaining... I'd do it again!