I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.
6pm - Buy tickets for the roller coaster ride "Waiting for the husband" - stand in line for the ride... Yeah! I meet the height requirements! 6:30 - tell the boys to only set the table for three place settings... looks like he's working late 7pm- get in the very first car and click in the seat belt... check to be sure its nice and tight. avoid direct eye contact with the dingy carnie operating the ride 7:30 - bake cookies, so that they are warm and fresh when he gets home 8:00 - a steady incline up the first hill...while thinking... how long does it actually take to deliver wood? 8;30 - children are brushing their teeth.... house will soon be quiet... yeeee....down the hill we go! maybe I'll have a glass of wine and put on something sexy.... 9:00 - hmm those cookies look good, i guess i'll have few while i wait 9:30 - ok, now i am pissed! heading up this incline of a ride... yet again!! check cell phone to insure that i didn't miss the call or text 10:00 - all out mad!! but screw this.. i'm going to bed.. my stomach doesn't feel so good. 10:05 - lay in bed and hit all the up and down little hills of this ride... jerk!,what if he is in the ditch?, how inconsiderate of him not to call, it's a little icy out there... he would have at least responded to my texts by now. must be nice to do as you please!, what if he got pulled over and in jail? I must not be all that important anymore! Wouldn't you feel like crap if something is actually wrong?
10:08 - call his cell phone, it goes to voice mail..up the hill i go 10:09 - call his brothers phone... man! why am i doing this? 10:10 - friend calls, to say that he is okay, and that they saw me call.... asks if i want to talk to him Tell him, no, if he wanted to talk to me, he would have called. 10:11 - PIssed off at self for having worried and then called
10:15 - Get off of ride.......
If I were your son, would you have taught me how to drive? would you have shown me how to change a tire or check my oil? If I were your son, would you have shown me how to tie my line? would you have let me come on one of your many fishing trips? If I were your son, would you buy me a beer? would you play me in pool and think it was fair competition? If I were your son, would you sit down and talk politics would you listen to my ideas and not think my views as frivolous? If I were your son, would you ask me about my day? would you remember where i worked and what i did for a paycheck? If I were your son, would you invite me for a round of golf? would you show me how to drive and work on my swing? If I were your son, would you tell me your are proud? would you pat me on the shoulder and smile? would you tell me that you love me? would you know who i really was? would you reconginize yourself in me? would you understand how important you are to me? how much I want a relationship with you how eager i am to please you after all these years? If I were your son, I wouldn't be your daughter.
7am - Darn it! Another day tied to this rope!! Why do they do this to me? Back and forth, back and forth, I need more space, more ground to cover! OOOh..what is that? what's over there? something is in the trees... hmm.. I will sit very still and watch!
10am - There is something under here I just know it! I'll dig and dig... muddy paws.. who cares! there is some treasure hiding here I tell you! I'll just keep digging....
10:45 - Oh, i saw her walk by the back window. Did she forget about me? Its nice and warm in there. I want to be sleeping on the couch... maybe if I look really cute and whine she'll come out and get me!
10:47 - Hey! Hey! I'm whining here! I want to me inside.... let me see how far this lead will stretch.. ouch.. my throat hurts.. Hey! Hey!
10:53 - Ohhh good, she didn't forget about me! Muddy paws? who cares, the chair is empty! Heaven!!
4:00 - The kids are coming, the kids are coming! Which window do i look out of?
6:00pm - Dinner is served! Okay, no table scraps? I'll just lie here under the table.... oh, she is grabbing my bowl... please,please please, let it be mashed pototoes or some of that steak he cooked on the grill!! Darn, dry food..... I'll just pretend it tastes like chicken!
As my children get older, some things of childhood fantasies are becoming harder and harder to hold on to.
3am Wife - "Babe!, Babe! Wake up, please go give Danny a dollar for his tooth that is under his pillow" Husband- (Barely awake) "I don't have a dollar, maybe a few quarters!" Wife- "That's fine just don't forget to grab the tooth!"
(Husband gets up with sigh, returns from child's room laughing) Husband- "The gig is up! As I slid my hand carefully under his pillow, Danny's eyes opened and he stared right at me!" Wife -" Oh great, well, maybe he didn't know what was going on. Let's wait to see"
8am (Wife goes down stairs where Danny and husband are sitting at table eating breakfast) Danny - "Give me back my tooth!" Husband - "I don't have your tooth" Danny - "yes, you do! I saw you take it!" Wife - "what's going on?" Danny - "he took my tooth and won't give it back!" Wife - "how do you know he took it" Danny - "Cause I heard his knee crack and opened my eyes and he was there!" Wife - (thinking maybe the time has come when Danny has figured out the truth, envisioning Christmas and Easter now forever changed) "Why would he take your tooth, danny?" Danny - "Cause he is mean and doesn't want me to get the money from the tooth fairy" (Danny is now in tears) Wife - (decieding that it is worse for him to think his step father is mean, than to have the tooth fairy dream shattered. so she take a deep breath) "I asked him to take the tooth, danny." Danny - "But why?" Wife -"Because I am the tooth fairy" Danny - "You are??? How many teeth do you have?"
Because I have a vagina, I couldn't possibly know what time it is Because I have a vagina, my children aren't important to me Because I have a vagina, I need you to remind me to wash my children's clothes Because I have a vagina, I don't know how much gas costs Because I have a vagina, I don't know the difference between baseball cleats and soccer ones Because I have a vagina, I don't have a clue Because I have a vagina, I owe you everything Because I have a vagina, I won't get your respect.