About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Diapers, diapers and more diapers

Two nights ago when i was awoken by my two year old around 5:00am, I came to the horrible realization that I was on his last overnight diaper. Yes, this is scary, because I like my sleep, and these handy but expensive diapers really do save the night most of the time! My problem with diapers, well, there are many but I won't go there right now, is that in order to purchase them you need to buy in bulk. That bulk is only located at a few local places, Walmart or target. There are several problems with this 1) dragging out two children to shop is not my idea of fun, 2) dragging along a cart to hold the bulk items, while simultaneously pushing a stroller takes much more coordination than I can muster these days and 3) i never, ever, just get in and purchase the diapers and get out, my register tape usually tips the scales at over $100! So two months ago I looked for an alternative. I found www.diapers.com

This site is great! They price out all the brands per diaper, orders over $40 get free shipping and if you order before 6pm, they come the next day. They also carry so many other items, baby food is one that I combine in my orders often! Oh, and they accept coupons!!

Drop me a line if you want to check out their stuff, cause they also have a great referral program!!

Cool Giveaway!

Go check out a fellow blogger who has an awesome giveaway (and great blog too!) Leave her a comment to enter!!


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

That dress

Today was a sad day, I brought a few of my items out of my closet to the thrift store. Normally this is not an occasion to be sad about, however today, i gave away the dress. You know which one I mean, the dress that sits in the back of your closet, that was the perfect dress. Although it may not fit anymore, you still hang on to it in hopes of slimming down, or just to have the memory of how good you felt in it! This 0utfit was a simple one. It was black (cause all perfect dresses are, hence the little black dress saying), and it was one piece that looked like two. It had long pants that had an overlay which gave the impression of a long skirt when I walked in it. The scoop neck was perfect to wear an elegant pearl or diamond necklace and the beaded trim on the sleeves gave just enough sparkle that I didn't necessarily have to wear any jewelry at all.

So why, if I have such an emotional attachment to it did I give it away? Because I have to let go of that "perfect image" which includes that much smaller dress size. The longer I hang on to it, the longer I keep looking back and putting that expectation on myself. So off to the thrift store it went, and hopefully some lucky girl will find it and see how utterly perfect it is for her New Years celebration and make her feel like a million bucks.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Insanity...I plead the fifth.

My husband reminded me of one of my favorite sayings " the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expected different results". He was reminding me of this today, Christmas, when my eldest was crying and mad because he couldn't get his Ipod working and my middle child was upset because he only counted four presents from Santa. I was trying to take a deep breath and remember why exactly I like Christmas.

From my earlier postings you know that I have been struggling with this whole holiday. It hasn't been just this year. Each year, my children have similar reactions and I just find myself frustrated. What exactly do I expect from them you might ask? I guess just some sort of appreciation. When I look back at my child hood Christmases I try to think I wasn't so bratty, but truth be told, I probably was. (insert my mother's laugh here)

So how do I turn this holiday around? For the past few years, I have toyed with the idea of coming up with some sort of volunteerism instead. A soup kitchen, a family to make Christmas for... something that can give my children some other type of meaning of Christmas besides the material items under the tree. So why haven't i done it? I guess part of me struggles with the thought that it shouldn't just be around Christmas that we volunteer. But where do we start? How do we get involved? and when can I fit it in their schedules when I only have them during the weekdays? I will take any suggestions out there, or ideas... my hope is that I can build the character of my children (and myself along the way) so that next Christmas we can take on an even bigger meaning of Christmas and my insanity can end!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Magic lost

As a wife who lives with a bonafide scrooge, my excitement for Christmas has dwiddled these last few years. Its not that my husband hates Christmas, he just doesn't "get it". Growing up in as practicing Johova Witnesses, Christmas wasn't celebrated. For my family, Christmas wasn't a religious celebration but more about tradition and being with family. The magic of Christmas for me was having my father home and participate in our family activities, getting the Christmas tree, going to see relatives and my all time favorite, was singing Christmas carols all the way home! The magic also was the possibility of anything! Whether it be a new bike under the tree or getting to lick the batters from the cookie batches.

After divorcing Christmas became more of a chore, the custody split and running here and there just to see my children, the anxiety over what Santa would bring them at each house and how it would compare. It began to lose its magic and take on a more materialistic greedy grin. Once I met my husband, my outlook really didn't improved. I would be happier if Christmas came only every 5 years. The magic for me has been lost.

But yet, yesterday I saw a glimmer of hope for the magic to be revitalized and maybe, just maybe our angel will show daddy the other side.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Thanks Jack!

With four children television has been a battle since the first one came along. I am not a mother who hates tv, I just try and limit my children s exposure. We have only one tv in the house, (an oddity I am learning!) we have no gaming system and all homework and chores must be completed before it is turned on. My other rules are 1) no tv before school, 2) no tv during dinner and 3) when mama says turn it off, it gets turned off!

So why am I placing my two year old in front of the boob tube each morning? And why am I thanking Jack? That is Jack's Big Music show!

With a toddler who has disabilities there isn't much that he does "normal" So after hearing about this show from a good friend of mine, I tivo'd it. Much to my amazement Walker Loves it!! He has been watching it and laughing and squealing! So just for a short half hour increment, I am able to see him enjoy television....

Thursday, December 10, 2009

a house is a house for me

"A house is a house for me" are the lyrics to a favorite children's song by Fred Prenner. In it he plays on the riddles to have children guess what each item is a house for. Example: a hill is an house for a ___ (an ant), a glove is a house for a hand ___ (hand) etc. I've been thinking though what truly is a house for me? Is it an idea? is it the roof over my head? is it the people inside it? Through out my life I have had many homes. So to me, they physically don't have much emotional attachment to me. The hardest one to let go of, was my 1st house I owned. And even though I only lived in it for four months, letting it go was hard. I was letting go of a dream that I had had... the white picket fence, the status of being a "home owner". It took me some time to let go, to realize that I could be happy in a box if that meant... I was my own person. That I was happy with myself and those around me. Letting go of our current house is not that big of a deal to me, but I understand my husbands reserves. I understand because I too went through it. It is a grieving process. A process of letting go. I will give him time to grieve because a house with him is a house for me.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Snow day!

Snow days as children are the best gifts! You wake up, turn the radio on and hide under the covers listening for the announcer to list your school as closed. Once you hear it, you are so excited you can't go back to sleep. Instead you lay in bed planning on the snow ball fights or sled rides that you plan on taking that day!

As an adult working in corporate America, I hated snow days. There was no such thing as work being canceled, and in order to stay home you would have to use your sick days. The worst was the judgment passed on you for not coming in, and knowing that all that work would just pile up and be sitting and waiting for you the next day.

Today I get to be a kid again! Being a stay at home mom allows me the freedom of knowing that I don't have to go anywhere or do anything! Instead of dreaming about snowmen and sleigh rides, I was laying in bed thinking about the closets I could organize and the cookies I could bake!

Monday, December 7, 2009

You spin me round round baby

As I sit here writing this my head is spinning. I'm anxious and nervous!! Our current living situation is in the process of being taken away from us. We don't know exactly when. Estimates are worst case scenario is 90 days, best case is 6 months. Knowing this is making me crazy! I am not the type to sit by and wait it out! I have too much to worry about with my childrens needs. It would be different if it was just my husband and I , but its not. Yesterday I looked at a house that seems to meet all of our needs! My husband didn't get out of the car because he was uncomfortable looking through another persons stuff (the current tenants are still there). He feels that I am jumping the gun. I don't think so. He is the type to put his head in the sand and will wait until they pack our stuff and throw us out on the lawn! I can't live like that! So how do I convince him that this is the right move? Or do I just tell him this is what we are doing? He cannot stand change, so I know that is the biggest obstacle for him. But if all the pieces are right, why not do it? I just want to get on with my life and know what we are doing! I can't stand LIMBO!!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

A new direction

Today was another day in our adventure with Walker. We traveled down to Great Neck NY, (which is long island for most of us country folk) to see a man about an oxygen tank.

Its called Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy. Most of us probably haven't heard of it, some may have. Its been around for a very long time, but only used to treat carbon monoxide poisoning, burns and a few other issues. It has been on the underground circuit for the Autism community for awhile now.

I've did my research prior to our visit, in fact, i chose this clinic because its tank or chamber is all glass and the person inside can see out etc. The appointment was for a consultation and I have to say that I felt like I was talking to someone who has been in my head for the last two years!!

The doctor is a pediatrician who for the last 30 years treated children and finally got sick of seeing a lot of children coming in with autism and other disorders with no explanation. He didn't want to accept, that this is "just how it is". He consults with the clinic once a week to assist people just like us.

Yes, he thinks that the therapy can help walker, but there is not real measurement to say exactly how many sessions would be needed and at what pressure his body would respond.

No, he did not take our money and have us sign on the dotted line. He feels that there are other things we need to look into before going gun ho with this treatment.

First, he wants to look at our insurance and see what he can categorize the therapy under to see if we can get some of it covered. Next, he wants to do another MRI, but this time using dye to see where the oxygen is going in Walkers brain. (This will also help us establish a starting point, that if there are changes due to the therapy we will have documented) Also, he looked at the metabolic work up that was done recently which we were told was "normal". But clearly, right on the test results many of Walker's levels were not in the Normal range. What does that mean? We don't know, but we need to investigate and not take 'normal' as okay, when clearly it is not!

I liked this man's attitude, he wasn't a sales man, and seemed to really connect with the kids. (as he walked back and forth through the waiting room he addressed every child and parent!)

So, we don't have any more answers.... but I feel that this may be a good direction we are going in.