I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.
With each of my four children, I have a tradition of retellling the tale of their birth. Its their very own personal story of how they came to the earth and its a moment of time that is only between us.
As my fourth child, one might think that pregnancy and birth would be old hat, but truth be told, i was a little nervous! Not knowing if any of the minor complications I had during labor with Walker contributed to his delays, I wanted to be sure that everything went smoothly.
Each birth is different, not only in the physical sense but also the psychological. With my first, I was petrified, did everything the doctor told me and was a nervous wreck the whole time. With my second, I was exhausted from chasing a toddler and wanted it over and done with as soon as possible. With my third, I wanted everything to be as natural as possible, I read books written by mid wives, I used my essential oils, I wanted everything to be blissful. But as the birth of my fourth came closer, I was really trying to go with the flow. If they wanted me to take drugs, so be it. If they wanted to induce me, so be it. I was going to let the doctor, whom I trusted, guide me and hope that there would be no complications like last time. I was due August 12th, but kept feeling like I wouldn't make it that long.
A week before my due date I was becoming really uncomfortable, but I just passed it up to carrying around a toddler and keeping up with my other two. When I went to see my Ob/Gyn, she took one look at my face and said, "you're ready". She did not want me to go one minute past my due date and when they hooked me up to the fetal monitors, I was already having contractions, but nothing steady. So after some talking and planning, we decided that I would go into the hospital that night and they would induce me. This would hopefully insure that by morning I should have the baby and she would be there to deliver. Sounded like a good plan to me! I wanted this baby out!
I called my mother and sister and told them the news, but insisted that I would get to the hospital and call them once things started. I didn't want them sitting around all night. I was still having contractions but my mind was just racing about the cervidil that they would insert in me and then the possibility of pitocin.
I knew that once we started down this path that there would be no turning back, that if my body didn't respond then the final destination would be the operating room for a C- section. This scared the hell out of me!
When Ramiah and I got to the hospital my mother and sister were already there. They insisted on being there. They felt that by the way I sounded on the phone breathing through contractions it wouldn't be long at all.
I checked into the hospital at 8 pm, shortly after they inserted the cervidil. The worst part was that I had to stay in bed for an hour to make sure that it stayed inside me and worked its magic. I am a person who needs to be in active labor. This was torture! I couldn't just sit and be in pain, if I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna take charge and make sure it goes as quick as possible. At that point you better just jump in and swim! They also hooked me up to the monitor and this made it difficult to move around in the bed. The belt kept slipping off and then beep and my mom or sister would have to adjust it for me.
Finally, after an hour the nurse said I could get out of bed, so onto the exercise ball I went and out came my oils! Everyone was hanging around and just laughing and watching the clock. I was enjoying myself except those pesky contractions. At those times, Ramiah would just rub my back and the whole room would go quiet. When the nurse came in and looked at the numbers on the monitors read out she was all "ho hum", and everyone in the room looked puzzled. Now, hold up! I am not some whimpy first timer here, and those suckers were hurting so why weren't they registering on the machine?? Finally, my mother piped up and said, "ah, that isn't working right, cause she's having some good ones here". Ah, yeah!!!!! Hallelujah, thank you! So the nurse checked it out and look at that! it wasn't reading right. By now,I was in no mood for funnies and just wanted whatever they put in my out! Lets get this show on the road. It was 11:05pm.
The midwife returned, and when she saw my face, you said. "yup, we are going to have a baby tonight". (ya think?) As the contractions came harder we all watched the clock and my husband said that I had to wait until midnight to have the baby because that would ruin my nieces birthday too. (they have a love/hate relationship) we all had a good laugh! This is how he handles stress... with humor....
At 12:04am, on Tuesday August 4th, they said "its a girl!". The look on my face had to be priceless! I was convinced I was having another boy. She came out with dark hair and pudgy cheeks. She was beautiful.
Her name was Willow Marie... well... maybe... this was the name that we had been planning on naming a girl, but in my mind I had pictured a girl to be the same light coloring as Walker. This dark hair, sturdy girl did not seem like a Willow to me. So I asked Ramiah if we could sleep on it. But he knew what I really wanted to name her, (it was the name I kept slipping back into the drawing that he really didn't seem to like), so Sawyer Rose was finally settled on. Okay, so I'm not really sure if we settled or not, because at that moment, I think any man would be a complete jerk for not giving his wife, who just pushed out another baby, whatever she dam well wanted!!!
Sawyer Rose is the perfect name for this little girl. It is a salty mix of spice and sugar. Her tom boyishness, comes on strong, like her brute force and intensity, but she is soft and beautiful at the same time.