Applications being accepted

Applications are currently being accepted for the following position:

Wife

Duties include but are not limited to: able to plan meals, shop and prepare for them, ensure laundry is done, washed and folded, socks matching is optional, get the mail, pay the bills, and know how much money is in the bank account at 3am when I can't sleep, must be able to schedule and attend all doctors, dentist and teacher appointments, should sweep and wash all floors, including behind the toilet even though only the male population in the house messes that up, should be able to walk the dog, clean the cat litter box and replace dead goldfish before the children find out, keep inventory of the pantry, freezer, refrigerator and medicine cabinet, know how to program the tv remote and the coffee maker, remember birthdays and anniversary's and call all relatives including my side of the family, be able to mow the lawn when the children are lost in the back yard, and clean up dog poop, fix the dryer and any other appliance in the house or know the phone number of someone who can.

We are an Equal Opportunity Employer, please submit applications to the attention of: I want my own wife, 2620 County Route 1, Port Jerivs, NY 12771