Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I first want to thank you, for clarifying details of my blog, that obviously offended you.  I also want to thank you for reminding me how far I have come from a life time ago.  I often tell people that didn't know me "then" that they wouldn't have really liked me, cause I for sure didn't like me!  That is why I made the choices that I have.

I also want to thank you for taking time out and reading my blog, even if it is with malice.  It helped remind me that my little blog sphere is actually out on the world wide web.  I often forget that not only can friends and family read my thoughts, but anyone who is savvy enough to locate me can as well.  I am not ashamed of my past alter egos or current ones, that is why my profile is public and easily accessed.   I am just a little sad that out of all my writings, dealing with family issues, marriage and most importantly my son's special needs, there wasn't a good comment that could be made.

It honestly upsets me that there are people out there that don't like me and don't like me so much that they spend time finding me on the net to put forth negativity.

Please accept my warmest apologies for whatever sins I committed against you or someone you love.  But understand that I didn't lose any sleep over it, not because I don't care, but because sleep deprivation for three years keeps me from losing any shut eye, once my head hits the pillow!

Feel free to continue reading, or contact me directly for more specified apologies.

Sincerely,
Ambitions of a Trophy Wife

Divorce sucks!

41 years my parents have been married.  Growing up, I only knew two families that were divorced.  My one friend, whom I will call Linda, lived with her mother, and her father lived in California.  It was a whole year of friendship before i found out she had a brother because he lived with her dad and only came to visit one month out of the summer.  My other 'divorced family' friend was Debbie. Her mother had remarried and her father lived just a few short roads down from them.  She was able to take the same bus to either house and split her week between the two.  Often, her father would be at her house having a cup of coffee or a hamburger when I would arrive for soccer practice. 

When my first marriage dissolved, I had hopes of something similar to my friend Debbie's parents.  I had read articles about the effects of divorce and wanted to spare my children the torment of having to chose between us.  I had fantasies about us keeping the marital home and leaving the children in it and just rotating us in and out.   I planned on sharing teacher conferences, and celebrating birthdays together. But the reality is, that there was another person I forgot to ask....my ex. 

Last Saturday was my oldest son's championship baseball game.  As they were celebrating their victory, Dylan came over to ask if we could all go out for a celebratory ice cream. They were at the game with their dad since they are with him on the weekends.     I told him that I would think about it, and later he came back and said that his dad wanted to know where we were going.  I thought 'okay, this maybe uncomfortable but I can suffer through it for Mason and Dylan".  Shortly after, Dylan came back to me and was very upset because his father said they couldn't go.  My heart was heavy. For a few brief minutes Dylan would have had both his parents and all the people he loves in one place! I understand that their father and his girlfriend may or may not have wanted to cozy up with me and my husband, it just reinforced that divorce sucks! 

There is always emotions and baggage that come along with every interaction.  A famous doctor always states that people should not get divorced until all emotional business is done.  but how often does that happen?  I think it is more that we as parents have to let go.  We have to consciously remember that the children are the ones affected. This means putting aside our hate, or guilt or just plain childishness.  Not always easy, I must admit. 

Underwater

One of the many hats that I wear around here is accountant for my husbands tree business.  (Yes, I do do more than work on my tan!) The problem is, I hate accounting!  For 8 years I worked in cooperate America, managing a treasury department with a large staff.  cash management department.  I worked my way up from reception and was very good at what I did, I just grew tired of the hamster wheel, I was perpetually on.  The work was never caught up, the staff and I were underpaid and to top it off the company hired a really masochistic CEO. (I don't use that term lightly, shortly after I left the company he moved on to another job where he was fired for anger management issues)

Needless to say it left a sour taste in my mouth so when  it comes to doing the "books" for our company, I  post pone it as long as possible.  Now, add all the rest that's on my plate and guess what? I haven't posted a journal entry since the end of the year, and actually I still haven't finished last years p & l.  With the summer coming, and all the children home, I feel that it is hopeless.

When I feel that something is hopeless, then I will procrastinate even more!

Exactly how much jail time is extortion to the IRS?

There's no crying in baseball

I know that sports are a great learning experience for children, but with the close of this season of baseball fast approaching, I am ready to throw in the towel! My two older boys have been playing baseball since they could swing a bat.  Their father, was the baseball king in his high school and therefore has high hopes that one of his boys will take over his thrown. The first few years they play are great, everyone gets to play each position, parents are just happy to enjoy a good game and there is little to no pressure.  But as they get older, it becomes more competitive which in turn puts the pressure on the kids.  For my middle guy, this isn't such a big deal, if he strikes out or misses a ball he can easily shrug it off and stay in the game.  for my oldest guy, who is a type A personality, this is not the case.  He is his own worse enemy.  It breaks my heart to see him try so hard and then get so discouraged when one thing doesn't go his way. The kids on the team, are also hard on each other, and if the game is going badly, forget it!

How am I supposed to stand by and watch him just feel defeated?  I keep encouraging him, but he looks at me like I am making it worse! I know I'm just the "mom" but I want to help him up from that dark place of self doubt!  I tell him I am proud of him and that his best is all that I ask for!  But its a long ride home, with the recount of all his mistakes and not hearing one word of praise from me!  I just want him to enjoy the game again! I know this is part of the learning process... it just stinks!

A day to sell

It was the official yard sale of the year today.  My mother and I have one every year, and usually a sister or two join in.  This year we held it at our old house, hoping to generate some traffic to it since its been on the market for 6 months with no real interest. (more on that later)

Yard sales are a lot of work.  For the past two weeks I have been going through things setting stuff aside, tagging it with prices etc.  Its really a process for anyone who has small hording issues like those that run in my family.  As my mother says, "historically people were either hunters or gatherers, in our family, we must have been gatherers". So after making the decision to truly get rid of my maternity and baby clothes (again, this is a whole other blog worthy topic!)  I also went through those last few boxes from when we moved that I haven't gotten around to unpacking.

So this morning I was up bright and early, packing the last few boxes and headed over to meet my mother and sister.  As the day began, it was looking very promising.  We had put an ad in the paper and hung up signs and there were a few other local yard sales to draw more attention.  There is a whole sociological study that can be done just around yard sales and the people who shop them or those that host.

• the early birds - who know that you posted a specific time to start but disregard it in hopes that they will be the first to find that "treasure"
• the antique hunters
• the allowance shoppers - they have a set amount of money that they allow themselves to spend and have to figure out if they blow it all in one spot is it worth it incase the next place there is something better.
• no yard sale is complete without the hagglers (my family and I are not good with these people, we won't haggle... just take it!)

Then there is the whole psychology of us sellers.  Throughout the whole day my mother, sisters and I will shop on each others stuff. (we used to pay each other but over the years we just say - take it - its yours)

The best are the items that we really don't want to part with so we price them just a little to high, hoping that no one will really buy it, but we can pretend that we tried to get rid of it!

The weather turned out beautiful, the kids that attended were really well behaved and all in all, we made a few bucks and spent some quality time with each other.  The end result - we did good enough to call it a day, but not good enough to stretch it out for another day!

Doggie tails

Come on by and stay for awhile, don't mind the dog hair attached to your pants.... i can't seem to get rid of it, so I might as well make it a fashion statement.  This time of year, last year, I took the mutts to be "groomed".  Now i have nothing against those of you who do this for your dog regularly, but i have the no maintenance kind of mutts, but with one being part boarder collie, a good shave early in the season is a good idea.

This year, i couldn't quite figure out how I would get it done, with two children and two dogs who cumulatively outweigh me, I was thinking it wasn't going to get done this year... but then there was the stench. The gotta roll in whatever dead thing they find, stench.. gotta love the country dog!

Then i came across Roaming Rovers. She came right to my house and groomed the beasts.  It was GREAT! But Kawi didn't really think so,





Duke was pretty good about it, just a little whining.

The best part, there was no cleanup, she just drove off!