About Me

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I am a mother of three boys and one girl, my youngest son Walker is developmentally delayed with no diagnosis, I am divorced and re-married, living life as I never imagined. I may be cynical, but I try to see the world as it is.... no frills but plenty of laughs.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Maybe its the baby blues talking

Five days ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I wasn't sure what was more surprising, that she was a girl, or that she had a head full of dark hair!! Either way, it took a few days to sink in and now as I get to go through pink and purple clothes. This is how the other half lives??? Yet, in order to store the new ones coming through the door I set out for the task of dividing out the boys clothes that I had kept and finding them new homes. Part of me, however, is a little skeptical. Yes, you heard me, skeptical. I know, I know, this new baby is #4 for me, however, she is only #2 for my husband, the love of my life. Our first child is a boy, and he is warm, affectionate and a comedian. Never mind that he doesn't talk, or crawl or sit up. He is entertaining and loves life!! But the fact is that this may be all he ever is, and now with a daughter, my husband may never get that feeling of going fishing with his "son" or shooting that first deer together. Sure there is no doubt that his daughter will more than plenty make up for it, and I don't even know if he would miss it, but there is that little part of me, that wants that for him! That, wants to be able to give that to him. I guess its just the baby blues talking....


Courtney said...

I'm so glad you commented on my blog, because now I can follow yours!

It's so hard when you give up the expectations that you carry into parenthood. When all those "what will my child become?" questions don't seem to have the answers you had planned on. I hope that you and your family find peace in deciding whether to have more children. I was just looking at the pics you have on facebook. Whatever you decide, you already have a beautiful family! xoxo

Duchess said...

why don't you consign the boys' clothes, that way you can use the money to buy the little girl clothes as she needs them, then if and when you need tiny boy clothes again, you can go back and reconsign again. If you were to welcome another to your family, there are no guarantees about what season he or she would make their grand arrival in anyway, so what is to say that you have the appropriate season clothes anyway - right?

You're not crazy, you are amazingly giving and selfless...the quintessential earth mother. And more importantly, you are my best friend and my hero.